Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Up up and away....oh lord there goes my shorts

Jesus and Mary Magdalene are Back!  I read on Huffington Post that a couple from Australia, a man & wife are claiming to be Jesus and Mary Magdalene incarnate.  They are holding church, taking offering and preaching the word. Yee Haw!

"There's probably a million people who say they're Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life." 

"I certainly don't want to be Jesus, it's just who I am. Who wants to be Jesus?"

I found that lots of people think they are Jesus.  Try it your self, type in "Man claims to be Jesus"  you will get all kinds of Jesus's out there.  Black Jesus, Chinese Jesus, Siberian Jesus, Naked Jesus, Criminal Jesus.  For God's Sake! how do we know which one is real!  Here in Chicago a few years ago there was this dude who would walk downtown carrying a wooden cross all done up like Christ, w/  loin cloth, some fabric over the shoulder, nice tan.  didn't say much, he would just walk w/ a large cross over his shoulder. probably not the real Jesus. OK, that's cool.

If I were to go out an impersonate Jesus, I think I would go for the Wow factor,  Its not like any of these gents have come riding on a White Horse w/ an amazing silk cloak.  Jesus, having just spent the past 2011 years in heaven where harps are made of gold and river beds strewn w/ diamonds, there's gonna be some style rubbin off on him. The Return of JC will definitely have some pizazz.  My first purchase would be a  large white horse, not one of the sad city horses w/ a poop buck attached to its back side. I can't imagine Jesus using a saddle, so I'm gonna be riding this thing bare back. My horse will sparkle and would be trained to bow and shakes it's rump. The paparazzi would snap pictures and all the people will fall to the ground.  

............Actually, I'll probs be the one wrestled to the ground by the Chicago Cops for causing a scene.  I'd get arrested for not having a permit and for the terrible mess my dumb horse made due to lack of poop bucket.  Forget it! I'd be a horrible Jesus.

I like the idea of people thinking they are Jesus,  I like the idea of people going out in the world and talking w/ prostitutes and giving voice to the forgotten ones in our society. I suppose we could let them roam around and try to cure the world. According to scripture Jesus sounded like a peaceful man, nurtured peace and comfort. What's the worse thing these folks could do, attempt walking on water and drown?  Yeah. that'd be bad. hopefully a trained life guard would be close by to save Jesus, a great credit for his/her resume I'd think.  


  1. I sort of wonder why they stopped at being Jesus. Why not say you're the Man, or Woman, upstairs, and call yourself God?
    Failing that, in order to find the true Jesus, maybe we should have some kind of WWF cage match, and may the best Jesus win.

  2. As long as they really believe they're Jesus I don't have that much of a problem.

  3. You would make a swell Jesus!

  4. Todd, I love you beyond words!

    I'd pray to you any day of the week.

  5. lmfao I promise I won't make any Jesus is black comments...I swear!! lol