Sunday, July 31, 2011

Can you hear what I hear

They say if you hold a sea shell up to your ear you will hear the sounds of the ocean....what if that particular sea shell happened to be nearby a shark attack, what do you think you'd hear then?

As a kid I was told a sea shell records or memorizes the sounds of the sea. Mermaids, sea horses, skinny dipping, all the fun attributes of water. I took these words literally and would hold a large Conk Shell up to my ear and listen to the wonders of the deep blue sea......boy was I an idiot!

As a Scorpio, I am a water sign. This makes sense to me, for peace of mind, I frequently turn to the tub for a long soak or sit down and have the shower head rain on me. I do this despite the warning that 5 mins or longer in a hot shower will dry your skin into the feel and texture of a saltine cracker.

I battle dry skin mostly during the winter season, the air in Chicago becomes very dry and cold. This year I took the advice of a massage artist who told me to rub coconut oil all over my body, he said after using this on his elbows, they became baby soft. Wow! Skin like a baby! I would look awesome all moisturized and pumped, walking around looking like a Campbell soup Kid.

I left that appointment and headed directly to the Whole Foods Market nearby. I searched the aisles and was directed to the cooking oil section. This is what he sent me in for, a coconut oil in the solid state. For about 2 months I religiously lathered up in this coconut grease, it worked pretty well.  I liked that it was a natural substance and had I been a Cave Man in the olden days, I could've enjoyed also. After a while I ended up switching back to a legitimate body cream, smelling like a Hawaiian Tropic Girl on a daily basis got old and the requests to remove my top were getting out of hand. 

If I were to design my own body cream I think I would put 25 percent coconut oils, 10 percent oatmeal, 5 percent patchouli, 25 percent butter cream and finish it off with a bucket of baby tears for good measure. I'd also include an extending rod so I could apply to those hard to reach places on my back, I swear the center of my back might as well be located on the moon.


  1. FATE! I too am a Scorpio...holla! AND I find patchouli to be one of the most delish scents ever...right next to baby tears & vodka of course!

  2. Hmmm...looking for the paypal button to pre-order my bucket of body cream.
    Funny guy - thanks for the morning LOL.

    Thanks for riding the train - - just now working on getting around to follow back :)

  3. Another Scorpio here and I'm right there with you in the tub, well, not in the way! I could spend a good hour just soaking it up like a sponge! And I use tons of moisterizer as I sun alot to get that all important suntan line! Hey the boys like it!

  4. Mark me in the Scorpio line too and while my condo bathtub does not make for a relaxing time (because according to the sadist's that built it I am not supposed to have my feet, knees and boobs in the water at the same time) I do tend to find peace, love, optimism and harmony while floating down the river =o)

    Let me know when you start your own bodycare line, I will buy it!

  5. LOL. Loving the idea of your body cream and I might take up that coconut oil tip. I've got skin like the desert right now.

  6. My favorite is the Burts Bee's Coconut Foot creme. Whenever I go for a pedicure they can't believe they don't have to razer any dead skin off. I bet it would work wonders on your elbows.

    PS. it also makes the tats shine. :)

  7. Suede Cream!

    I see an HSN segment in your future.

  8. I too am a Scorpio, and as a water sign, well, I love a good beer in the shower. That counts, right?