ET phoned me collect...cheap ass!

I am phobic of the telephone. I've set my ringer to a music box melody w/ bird sounds just to ease my panic when it goes off.

I tense up whenever I hear a ring or feel a vibration. I see it as an intrusion of my personal space and freedom. Not sure where this stems from, probably the creditors I was dodging round the turn of the millennium.

Creditor:

Gimme my money

Me:

No

Creditor:

Gimme my money

Me: 

No

I need body language and eye contact, tons of information can be found in a single facial expression that a string of words over a phone line could never communicate. Maybe its the new world of cell phones, the bad connections and fall outs. When we all used land lines, we never needed to worry bout such things, the connection was so clear you could hear the persons breath; obscene phone calls were a breeze back then, now days you have to have the lung capacity of an Opera singer in order to slightly offend.

Talking on cell phones its like walking in the dark, trudging your way through convos, hoping not to step all over each others sentences. The quality is gone, so for now I stay away.

I also get jittery when the good bye moment arrives in a conversation, an unspoken agreement between each caller to determine when/if this needs to end. Every individual has their own style of saying adios that adds to the challenge, my sister always adds a giggle before she says goodbye to me.

Sister:

"Ok, you have a great day , ok, love you too....ok...'giggle' ...bye."

I tend to approach my goodbyes like one would rip off a Band Aid

Me:

"Yeah, great......NO!, I said CUT MY GRASS!....gimmee a break...bye!"

Face to face is my pleasure and if that isn't possible then the shoot me a text method is my preference, awkward silences and choppy phone connections  turn me into a puddle of nerves that always has me inserting unnecessary wacky words as conversation fillers.

Rhonda:

Rosies's party was the best, so great

Me:

Yeah, Rosie sure knows how to throw a great party..ummm........  My damn thumb has been killing me, whats up w/ thumbs?   What if a hitchhiker had no thumbs, what would they use to stop a car? The pointer finger is too threatening...maybe the pinkie? but that's probably too femme. I'm gonna have to say life would be pretty hard for a thumbless hitchhiker.......Rhonda? hello.... you there?"

Yeah, yah never know when you loose your audience.

Cream of DUCK?... NO Scotty!   I said BEAM ME UP!   GAWD!  This reception is killin me!