Friday, July 29, 2011

Honk a Horn, Smack a Smurf

I'm not a Honker, in fact if you removed my car horn while I was sleeping I probably wouldn't notice for at least 6 months.

I prefer the passive aggressive approach of yelling 'asshole' to my fellow drivers with my windows rolled up.

A neighbor of mine drives a mini van, not sure why, he's 80 years old and the only kid he seems to have is 55 who also owns a mini van of the same color.

I saw these 2 gentleman the other day with their heads underneath the hood talking back and forth saying things like

Old Man:
You got to override it w/ G3

Old Man Son:
G3 is the air conditioner, leave that alone

My curiosity was cured when the son informed me that their horn had been going off randomly while they would drive, he said they were getting weird looks.

I got a first hand demonstration of this as these two troubleshooted their problem by taking spins around the block. The wail of an uncontrolled horn in the neighborhood filled the air as they circled the block........I couldn't stop laughing, I thought it was hilarious.

I don't know about you, but the sound of a car horn immediately triggers a WTF response from me!

I would rather be pelted w/ water balloons than to be honked at, its not like a tap of the shoulder or a polite, excuse me. The sound of a horn pretty much says

Yo, douchebag. Your ability to suck is amazing!

I get the whole horn concept, I totally get it. Its a safety device that we should all be equipped with, but I think the tone should be tinkered with a bit; with all the technology these days you'd think someone like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs could invent a honk w/ a lit'l less bite.

"kind, sir, please step aside"

"ooohhh, hooo, are charming, but please forgive, I must ask you to move"

I'm not wearing underpants!


  1. I fully agree -- and even in emergency situations I have a tendancy to completely forget about a horn or toot it way too late.

    I also am a name-caller middle finger kinda gal...

  2. You know, I remember a time I was driving through a parking lot and I saw a girl I recognized, so I gave her a quick honk while trying to wave to her. Without looking, she flipped me off, assuming I was honking at her for taking too long to walk across.

    I think we need two honks - one that symbolizes a good thing, and one that symbolizes a bad thing. Otherwise, everyone just automatically thinks it's a big vehicular FUCK YOU.

  3. laughed all the way through this. I've ignored many a friend that's given me a friendly toot since the day I turned to wave and was met by a car load of boy racers who yelled 'get yer knickers off'.

  4. If they can send a man to the moon and give his cellphone a personalized ringtone, why can't they give our cars a horn-tone?

    Of course, mine might simply say: "Pigfucker"
    My word of choice, while driving.

  5. So funny you should bring this up...just a couple weeks ago, I was driving my daughter home from a friend's house and some ignorant lady was apparently site seeing. Heading directly into our lane, leaving no where for me to go besides into someones house with my car--I laid on the horn. It worked. Horns save lives. ;)

    I'm really in favor of "A Beer For the Shower's" idea...two horns. I like it!

  6. I have such a problem with other drivers I completely understand. Especially when there is no reason to honk in the first place. The smallest irritation just evokes an involuntary response to go to the horn.

  7. I used to never honk my horn. but then, I've become a cranky old lady, and now, if the lead car does not go when the light turns green, and i've counted to 3 in the oh so slow a thousand one, a thousand two, a thousand 3, they get honked. Oh and the finger, and a few choice swear words. :)

  8. I too have a horn but don't use it much. I tend to give the middle finger wave to the person who pisses me off! And I noticed in your title you mention smurfs. So tired of thr ads already. I enjoyed it when I was young, watched it all the time. And smurfette was so a drag queen, I don't care what word on the street is. How can there only be ONE female smurf? It's a drag queen.

  9. Love it! I rarely use my horn either. Just today I called out 'Asshole' to no less than 3 drivers.
    I am all in for 2 horns but at the same time am certain that I would use the wrong one at the wrong time... sigh