Thursday, July 14, 2011

More gas, knock me out!

My mouth was brutalized the other day and not in the good way.

a friendly trip to the dentist left me holding a small plastic bag containing a miniature toothpaste & a turquoise rubber handled toothbrush.  No bouncy ball, no box of jacks, no balloon, just a numb swollen jaw and the cold hard reality that my body is falling apart.

This was a standard cleaning w/a scheduled cavity procedure, seems my tooth was rotting underneath a previous filling. After the procedure, I was told this was only a short term fix and that I will need a crown in the not so distant future........ great.
drill baby drill!

my mouth was not designed to stay open for long periods of time, after about 2 minutes, my lips started to dry and a pool of saliva gathered near the back of my throat.....I was basically like Jimi Hendrix, cept I was suffocating on spit, not vomit. 

Don't get me wrong, my doctor is great, positive, nice voice, cute. I think part of what Dentists learn in school is the mastery of one sided conversations because my Dr. was able to talk freely about interesting pop culture & subjects without any input from me, he talked about Cee Lo Green and his current hit "f--- you", told me about his Mexican vacation and how his girlfriend likes to lay on beaches while he would rather visit historic sights, normally I'd love this type of talk but my problem is, i generally have a coment for everything and not being unable to toss out a wise ass statement only adds to my discomfort.

can I also say, Thank Gawd for Novocaine. This stuff is truly amazing, paralyzes nerves so you don't feel squat! Not sure where it comes from, perhaps from a jelly fish or a scorpion stinger but wherever, i'm thankful. I imagine in the old dayz the doctor would just strap my arms and legs down and tell me to enjoy the ride while with squeaky pliers, rip each rotten tooth out one by one. So yes, i am thankful for modern dentistry. my old silver filling drilled and replaced with a lovely white toothlike surface. I am very happy w/ the results, my open mouth smile is returning to its original brilliance. Thank you Dr Matt, thank you! Despite putting your hands in my mouth and drilling me for 45 minutes, I say thank you Sir!


  1. My dentist always asks me questions whilst my mouth is open which I find quite odd! More odd is that I try to respond with a gurgle from the back of throat!

  2. All dentists are sadists and serial killers in waiting.

  3. I like anyone who prevents me from more pain.

  4. urgh, yuk. thanks for the bad mental image XD. also, you have my sympathy.

  5. "my mouth was not designed to stay open for long periods of time" - seriously... I'm not even going to comment - just know that I laughed.

  6. I LOATHE the dentist! No matter how nice they are...I hate them all. (Sorry Dr. M!)

    Glad you made it out unscathed. I had to have a root canal and a crown not too long ago...I had my mouth wedged open with some mid evil tool and hours later when they were done, my jaws popped as they closed...not pleasant.

    You deserve a shopping trip for being such a good boy!

  7. I remember back when I used to leave the dentist with a sore mouth and a shiny new toy. Now I leave the dentist with a sore mouth, a sore ass (from bending me over on the price), and no toy. Growing up sucks.

  8. I hate going to the dentist. I'd rather give birth.

    Your mouth was brutalized and not in a good way. lmfao