Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My auto pilot is on strike!

My computer auto corrected the word Elton for me today, I thought that was a nice step forward for the GLBTQ community

He said she said.... it Is what it Is.....One night in Bangkok and the world is your oyster 

...yikes.  I don't think Bangkok and oyster should be in the same sentence. 

I am a man of routine. I have a certain schedule, I do things in a similar order every morning. Brush teeth, shave, wash the pits and then sing a 3 verse version of Jimmy Crack Corn. I'm comforted by my schedule, it allows my mind to drift and explore while being assured that my daily essentials are being covered.

When life changes my schedule I get jittery, confused and a tad upset.  I imagine similar to a bee who comes back to its hive after its been robbed of honey. Do you know how many flower petals it had to rub against its belly for one single drop of that goodness?  Its criminal! No wonder we have those kamikaze bees who fly into your mouth when drinkin a sweet beverage, they're Pissed!

My jitters take awhile to calm, I can hold onto a mood for dayz. I'd like to think I get better with age, to realize the mantra "don't sweat the small stuff, and by the way..... its all small stuff". Yeah, well sometimes the man in my brain who controls my happy chemicals is asleep at the wheel, for realz. Ole Man Sunshine Juice needs to give it up more freely. I see these other people walkin the earth all high on life, farting rainbows, what gives?

Kissing & Jumpin & Meeting & F&%K#N

I could try that martial art routine I see people do in the park, those who walk around in Kung Fu clothes and practice that slow motion technique of Mr. Miyagi's paint the fence and wax the car. They look peaceful when doing this, I'd feel too self conscious to try this, I'd be a puddle of tears the moment a car load of kids came by. "Hey Praying Mantis, go back to your hole, no room here for Judo Bugs!" 

Happy Hump Day Y'all  may your weekend solace find you sweetly


  1. Nothing worse than a bee in the ointment.

  2. LOVE the mantra!!
    It really is all small stuff huh?

  3. It is all small stuff, but, man oh man, can the small stuff

  4. That car full of kids would find themselves in a heap of trouble if they caught the slow motion kung-fu guys on a bad day. It is easier to not react to assholes when you know that you could kill them.

  5. I love how if it's an old Chinese guy doing the slow motion kung fu in kung fu pajamas, it's cool. But if it's a white guy... that guy is just plain nuts.