Saturday, June 25, 2011

Duck and Cover

Once upon a time, there was a little duck. A little duck amongst many other little ducks. In the afternoon they played touch football and licked ice cream cones. For all intent and purposes, this was a traditional duck community.

Then, the little ducks started to change, their voices grew deep, their beaks broke out w acne and all developed pubic hair. What a wild time for these ducks.

Our duck, lets name him Trevor, was also changing but in a different way. He too developed pubes and acne but in addition to all of this, his neck started to grow really really long, his eyes turned deep black and he developed a insane obsession for ballet. He started hallucinating, cutting himself and would throw his mom into walls.  It wasn't pretty. 

All the other ducks began to snicker and tell tales of Trevors lunacy and the abuse towards his mother. A whisper campaign began and the removal of Trevor soon became a foregone conclusion.

What everyone didn't know, including Trevor was he in fact was not a duck! No, Trevor was no more a duck that you or I. Trevor's madness can be explained and soon it would reveal itself.

A certified letter coming from a distant land was carefully placed in Trevors beak. He clumsily opened the envelop without too much harm to it's contents.

Dear Trevor,

You are not a duck, you are a crazed ballerina Swan who can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Get a grip, stand up tall. I am your father

Darth Vader

A tear found itself in the corner of Trevors eye as he looked up to a crowd of people slow clapping in unison. You see, Darth had been planning this day for quite some time, hired a caterer and a DJ. and also a family counselor for Trevor and his mama. Things were changing, and changing for the better. Darth drove this point home when he concluded the festivity with one short speech...

"Where my bitches at..... I wanna keep this brief. Trevor, I watched you try to be a duck for years and for a while I thought it was hilarious but then you started acting all crazy beatin up your mom and shizz and that was NOT funny. So I threw this party and have drawn the cloak off of your secret. You are a Swan my dear boy, a F@+ckin Beautiful Swan...I love your ass!  Love it"



  1. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I bet your a hoot to get drunk with!

  2. No good ever came from a duck trying to be a swan. Thank god for the uncloaking or who know's where it would have ended!

    Don't know about you being a hoot to get drunk with, got a feeling you're dangerous enough sober!

  3. or even possibly a swan trying to be a duck. Damn, I should try commenting sober!

  4. I'm a follower from last week's blog hop! I would love for you to return the follow :)


  5. 'you are a crazed ballerina Swan' is a think I now realize I should say more often, in more situations.

  6. Bwahahah! I'm so jealous! I wish Darth Vader would write me letters!
    (rewinding from Fibro)

  7. LOL. that's twisted. I love it. Thanks for visiting me, fellow rewinder!

  8. I think your swan is channelling Natalie Portman! Great post. I don't think I've ever seen Darth Vader and ballet in the same sentence before.

    Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.