Monday, August 15, 2011

Big Bird's Stinger

My 6th grade Sex Ed teacher attempted to demonstrate the pubic hair growing regions of men & women using stick figures on a chalkboard.

For the lady bits he drew an upside down triangle and for the dudes he drew a diamond. I don't remember how advanced my diamond was at that particular time but I do remember thinking my diamond needed some work.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I here to say, nearly 20 years later I am still waiting on my lush diamond pube garden to take root, in fact if you'd outline my current state of affairs it would resemble more of a mud hut being struck by a bolt of lightning..........No diamond.

I am so glad my career path didn't take me to a position of a sex ed teacher, I'd be a trembling mess of a teacher.  

where do babies come from?

Todd the Sex Ed Teacher:

from your vagina....can you just shut up!

my boyfriend said condoms are safe, is this true?

Todd the Sex Ed teacher:

where did you come from, are you in the right class.....this is for 5th graders!!  you shouldn't be dating!!!!

ohhh  my childless life is a blanket or a bubble I live in.  I am more than happy to jump in and play a few rounds w/ the kiddos but I am in complete awe of those who spend 24/7 with these youngsters.  I think these tikes hold us accountable not just to raise them correctly but also to lead a productive adult life:


Dad, why are you peeing into the sink?

Daddio  (ala me if I had kids)

uhhmm, this is an adult privilege, you will also get this as an option when you are an adult and loaded like a freight train!  btw.......having a wang helps.

Birds and the Bee's a simple melody but not in my book, a crook and a bend of a river who sends a shiver down the spine of a healthy sea salt.  Take a breath, set your compass and proceed forward to wherever your nether regions lead you, an island, a shore or a back door of a dude w/ a radio playing a Mercury tune.


  1. Take it from me- pubes just get in the way! :)

  2. I can't believe 5th graders talk about condoms. I didn't even know what a condom was until I was a freshman in high school.

    Also, I am very lacking in the diamond department. Which I suppose is a good thing, because I wouldn't want to have to use a machete to clear through the roughage.

  3. A diamond????


    I get the whole upside-down triangle, you know, because I've seen a vagina in my a back-issue of National Geographic.

    I need to get the pruning shears out and get to work.

  4. Kids ask the most awkward questions, thank goodness for the internet.

  5. Hi i'm a new follower from my mad mind blog hop,would be great if you would follow back?

  6. Yep - I'm a mom - the question period is the hardest part of the job!

    Thanks for joining the Tuesday Train!