Thursday, August 11, 2011

Yo ho ho and a btl of Perfume please!

Take time to smell the roses they say........ I wish I had time to smell roses, unfortunately for me My evening commute had me pressed against a sweaty chica w/ a yoga mat hanging out of her back pack, I have no idea what yoga technique she uses but judging from the amount of perspiration saturating her tank top, I'm thinking it needs to be taken down a notch.

I thought yoga is supposed to be peaceful, pressed up against this lady you'd think I was standing in a field of cow manure watching dirty hippies blowing peace bubbles using ass gas. Complete rankidty rank.

I go to great lengths to keep my odor under control, I use breath mints, I incessantly check my teeth in the mirror looking for debris, my aim is to be presentable when in public, not a drippy sweaty mess; of course the fact that I never work out certainly helps.

I guess I should give this yoga princess a break, here she is just trying to find her spiritual calm and here I am slinging judgment all over her, I'm lousey, just a big ole jerk.........however just when I'm about to give this funkarella a pass, my own spiritual calm calls me up, 

Ring ring ring:

Todd's Spiritual Calm:

Uhhhmmn, you know. Smelling like a toxic clam shell on a stick isn't my idea of harmony and peace.


Relax, it's just a few more stops.

Todd's spiritual calm:

well, she isn't really doing anyone any good by dripping her spiritual toxins all over the train floor, she should try soap, water & some moisturizing cream. 


Give me a break, everyone has a bad day.

Todd's spiritual Calm:

Bad Day!  I wish I could cure a bad day w/ a simple wipe of a moist toilette underneath a funky pit!

So you know what Yoga Lady! These pits don't lie, wipe up that funk beforez youz drip the stank sweat all over my work loafers, if you truly want to be one w/ this earth and all that peaceful concourse, then I suggest you don't rub your yoga brew all over my starched shirt. Word!


  1. Maybe she thinks her "one with the earth" is that dripping funk.

    She needs to rethink, and then reapply.

  2. Oy vey -- nothing worse than funk!

    As my grandmother says -- *soap and water is cheap*.

    Wash that mess up already!

  3. I hear you Todd. Other peoples odour? I am affonted by it!

  4. This is yet another reason I avoid all manner of public transportation.

  5. I suggest you travel with an aerosol next time and discreetly spray it at times like this. And eugggggghhhhh! Poor you xx

  6. I don't understand this yoga thing either Todd. It is suppose to be peaceful I thought. I don't do yogs to find calm and peace and be one with the world.....I just drink my gin!

  7. I'm sure she had just completed "hot yoga"- the kind that is entirely designed to make you sweat.

    (I have a 30-day pass at Bikram in the City for that... tee hee)