Coo Coo Couture

I think the person who came up with the coconut bra should not only be commended on form and function but also for a quality sense of humor.

I'm glad coconuts aren't shaped like banana's, otherwise all us dude's would certainly have worn a coconut cod piece at some point in our lives,  coconut splinters are probably tough to remove from a wang.

While I'm on the subject of my nether regions, I want to throw out a nugget of confusion I've had for many years.

I'm not a boxters guy, me and my tally man like to keep it close so i opt for a tighty whitie low rise brief. What has me puzzled is the lit'l bunny foo foo chute that all briefs come with, that easy access sleeve.  Whenever i've used this feature my mc lit'l squirt finds itself fighting for it's life against a Calvin Klein choke hold.  I Say, No thank you!  

whenever the urge to unleash the beast comes, I prefer lit'l me to hop over the waist band like an equestrian stallon w/ it's long flowing mane flapping in the wind. 

A spot of Potty talk to start the week.  Happy Monday ya'll, here's to a magical and wonderful week.    

Fudge Packed Fish Tales

...and why couldn't we use a table?

Aaron and I took Samson and Baxter for a twilight walk last night, it was a lovely evening cept I wound up doing my Helen Keller braille impression w/ hand covered in sandwich bag, combing the ground, searching for Samson's fudge delight.

Some people carry flashlights for this very purpose, use it as a search light, running it back and forth, this is probably wise of them. I on the other hand like to travel light, so I fill my pockets w/ sandwich bags, grab the dogs and am on my way encouraging each of them w/ my wise words of Teka Pee and Teka Poo;  Samson is usually good about picking a spot and stickin with it, making my search fairly easy.

Speaking of shizz, Chicago beaches finally opened today, having been closed since last Saturday. We had 7 inches of rain last fri night, which caused a back up in our sewage systems, City officials were forced to open the gates and let Willy Wonka's Chocolate River flow into our beautiful Lake Michigan, and by Willy Wonka, I mean literally Willy Wonka dumping his can into our lake, and by can, I mean toilet, and by toilet I mean, vessel of human waste.  Yeah, high levels of E Coli were detected, so the normal splishing and splashing sounds suddenly where replaced w/ swirling, flushing and the occasional moan.

I'm not sure I will be able to enter the water again, a fecal face wash is not my idea of a good beach activity.  I am devastated, its just gross to think I am swimming in such filth.  I'm told ignorance is bliss, unfortunately none of us get to be ignorant because this news was posted on the front page!  uggh, I think I'll take up deep sea diving from now on, at least I will get to wear one of the chamber suits w/ it's own oxygen tank.  Nice and cozy, safely hatched away from my pal Winnie the Poo!

The story of Teka Pee & Teka Poo

i have only taught my dogs a few commands. i figure by keeping this lexicon short and sweet we'll have greater success. so i've introduced some favorites like, sit, roll over, treat, and "shut up damnit!"  these words generally get us seeing eye to eye pretty quick.  on walks in the neighborhood I can be overheard saying "chill out Baxter...chill out!"  Baxter has social anxiety issues, he goes ballistic if he sees another dog, even from a distance. the whites of  his eyes turn black and his teeth start to drip blood, its completely embarrassing.  we've got ourselves a reputation up in hur. you'd think Baxter was a leashed version of Moses, people & dogs clear the sidewalk like the parting of the Red Sea when we come their way.  Underneath this crusty shell, Baxter has a real soft spot, even a sense of humor i'd say.  my dog has mastered this fantastic move, not sure where he got the idea to incorporate gymnastics and potty time but he sure nails it.  and EVERYTIME. He is a dedicated artist. When the #2 tango urge comes,  he choses to perform this while balancing on his 2 front paws.  incredible, but that's not all, for that extra touch he adds a helicopter spin, just spins in circles; its the cutest thing. Aaron and i like to call this maneuver his "cirque Deuce Ole"  haha.  our lit'l clown. 

cirque DEUCE Olay!