Gas Needed for Vango

In this world of high price gas & the emphasis on fuel consumption, do you think the days of abduction vans are over? are we going to see more serial killers driving hybrids? I'm not sure these hard fastened criminals have the social concious needed to draw these conclusions.

Aaron and I are still driving our big silver Buick, i wouldn't say it is a gas guzzler, it get 25mpg hwy and probably 19 or 20 city.  i enjoy the ride and the leg room for my 6' 4" frame. I imagine we all make adjustments as society evolves, some people adapt quicker than others and some reach a point and become frozen in time.  I remember hearing a Larry King interview that Katharine Hepburn stopped buying clothes in the late 70's, thats why we'd always see her weaing polyester combinations w/ butterfly collars in her later years. admittedly I could be completely wrong about this, I could find no support.

i wonder what year i will be frozen in time when it comes to fashion and technology adaptation, my goal is to live to 100 so my projected death year is 2075.  so maybe i can look forward to progress till  2060, i think ill have had about enough of all the craziness by then.  Although, my current style of black polypants and v-neck t shirt hasn't changed in 10 years.  My fashion peak have already come and gone.  So sorry Tim Gunn.

Vacay you Say?

would you all mind me sharing, that today is day #1 of a week long vacation for me?  I'm a lit'l gitty bout the whole situation and the endless possibilities of how I can spend my time. So far it has begun w/ me avoiding a parking ticket by bolting outta of bed in a panic in order to move my Buick for the street cleaning machine. I've calmed down now, thankfully w/ a nice cup of coffee, I think it will take me a few days to get into the Vacay mindset, where my nerves & worries are set to hibernation mode like a bunch of sleepy bears.

Hibernation:

Hibernation is a state of inactivity and metabolic depression in animals, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and lower metabolic rate. Hibernating animals conserve food, especially during winter when food supplies are limited, tapping energy reserves, body fat, at a slow rate. It is the animal's slowed metabolic rate which leads to a reduction in body temperature and not the other way around.  Wikipedia

 

Yeah!  I think this is the theme of my Vacation----Hibernation!  I'm going to gather and bury a bunch of acorns and nuts, learn how to clean my body using just my tongue and practice a few types of mating calls.   

• Bwaarrrhhha
• Chainghah!  Chahaighann!
• Pyrharraghhalala  Pyrharraghhalala!

I wonder if a gay bear's mating call is different from a straight bear?  I just researched the magical internets and found on Wikipedia that 10% of all male Rams refuse to mate w/ lady Rams and only get busy with other male mates.   hmmmmm   Ram, Bam, Ram, Bam!

Speaking of gay rights and all that JAZZ.......I will be heading off to the Lonestar State later this week, Home of Texas Gov & Presidential Candidate  Rick Perry.  Yee Haw Rick, would love to meet yah, perhaps on a dance floor doing a boot shuffle w/ a pair of shit kickers or sharing a ride on a mechanical bull.  A Boot scoot boogie for the rights of all Americans!   

just a little off the sides, I'm going for that Retriever Look

ever look at your dog and get jealous?  yeah,  you know life is going pretty good when this thought crosses your mind,  Yikes!   I am usually on my way to work getting ready when I see my two lit'l yorkies all cozy on the couch looking comfy with their button noses. I'm generally standing there in an ill fitting suit struggling to take  inventory of my daily gadgets and wares.  I'm such a spaz in the morning. impossible to keep my head on straight.  In order to minimize the madness  i wrote myself a lit'l jingle to recite whenever i leave a place  wallet keys and phone, wallet keys and phone. simple lyric set to a simple melody but gosh darn it, it works!

wrestling with my jacket while singing my memory tune I manage to look up to two sets of yorkie eyes staring at me from their sleepy slumber,  yeah.....its pretty much that moment when i wish I could lay around w a long shaggy haircut, whining for food and bathroom breaks.  nice simple lifestyle these lit'l domesticated wolves got going for themselves.  spending whole days watchin Price is Right and the Ladies of the View.  does it get any better?  there are some dogs out there that lead quite the fancy life, jet setting around from one dog show to another, constantly being brushed and having their anal glands expressed.   I'm serious about this anal gland scene, this is not some weak attempt at humor.  Anal gland expression is a very necessary component to proper dog grooming, any reputable dog groomer will automatically do this during your dog's visit, although I've never been able to confirm this, I find it difficult subject matter to bring up and ask....."yeah, give em that puppy cut we normally like and no, don't spray that perfume on him...he hates it, oh one more thing, can you express Samson's ass, its completely full"   yeah,  I can't envision myself having this convo.  

aaron and i recently while on a road trip decided to pull off the road and into a gas station for a bag of smoked almonds.  After our purchase we came back to the car and were immediately hit with an awkward smell, having experienced this before we knew that samson had just sexed up our Buick.  he like most of us battles anxiety and the thought of being left in a gas station parking lot in the middle of Michigan caused my poor samson to loose control and blow off a lit'l steam.....from his arse.  ughh.  terrible stuff, takes bleach and water to rid of the scent.

show dogs and family pets hopefully get the royal treatment they deserve, unfortunately there are some abused doggies in the world that need rescue, dog fight dogs, junk yard dogs w/ no shade, poodles with those ballerina haircuts.  So i should take my jealously and turn it into something positive, help the dogs out there I would never want to trade places with.  I think I will start today w/ my first Public Service Announcement:    

Pet your puppy. Pet your neighbors puppy.....hell, Pet any ole puppy but NEVER....... whip out your puppy.  

not appropriate. 

I just ate Dust ! ...do you have Floss?

I learned to drive on a 1976 El Camino.  It was big, blue and bossy. The El Camino is 1 part car and 1 part truck.  This particular Camino had a massive engine, if I knew anything about mechanics I could throw out words like big block, hemi, straight 8, 450 ponies. Sadly I don't have these chops.  Aaron asked me to check the oil level last week, first time I touched a dip stick in years.  Whoa honey!

I was either a teen or a tween in the summer months staying w/ my grandparents in Navarre just outside Pensacola. My grandmother jean nonchalantly tossed me the Camino keys and instructed me to take the red dirt road. She lived in Florida where red dirt is everywhere, such a pretty color for dirt. Up here in the Midwest we are stuck with the brown variety, typical dirt color. I have no idea where grandmother got the idea to let a pubescent boy w/ a Kirk Cameron hairstyle behind the wheel of this car/truck but I was thrilled.  I took the lesson very seriously and was careful not to alarm her; she was a willful women, strong and full of vigor. We traveled slowly on the red dirt road, stopping occasionally to pick up trash. It was a wonderful afternoon and a permanent memory for me to hold onto.

  At this point of her life she was a non smoker but going back to when I was even younger I remember her leading us through a cave tour or maybe it was a fort, but I remember going through a dark tunnel.  She offered us security by telling us to follow the red glow of her cigarette.  I thought that was such a clever solution.  She was a cool lady. During her life she drove a camero, a 1979 silver Honda civic, a couple of Buicks & a Cadillac.  She was the mother of 4 boys.  Her driving skills through the Ozark mountains could leave most in the dust.  She was Beautiful.

  Btw.  This whole thought process began while I was driving our Buick and I looked down at the speedometer. Out Buick lists 140 mph as the top speed. 140 MPH! What?  I could probably count on one hand the times I've traveled above 100 mph in a car. Why do we build cars that go 140 mph?  That's like giving someone a pot of gold but telling them to store it in the attic and never to touch. Sure you feel pretty good that you have a pot of gold, some street cred I guess, but where's the fun if you can't use it. Doesn't make sense to me. My grandma Jean would scold me for this comment, she is the original Hot Shot Driver.

 

toilet pater go down the hooole!

3 hrs + a sliver Buick + 2 Yorkshire Terriers =  Road-trip!  aaron & i took our lit'l ones, samson &  baxter to visit our niece and nephews in the Grand State of Michigan; off to celebrate aarons dad's 61st birthday.  His father is a kind man whom all the lit'l ones climb on and lead to their playroom. he carrys a pocket full of twizzlers and whips em out at all the right moments, kinda like a sugar sheriff controlling the peace

  "what? your crying because you stepped on a lego and it hurts like hell?  Bam! twizzle that pain away"

i was laying on a hammock, the little ones were running around chasing samson and baxter.  baxter absolutely loves this, samson on the other hand could do w/o and preferred to find a cool patch of grass and lay in the sun.  It was one of those days where it was just cool enough that you needed to find that sun ray or else a quick chill might set in.  i observed my lit'l niece chase a small white butterfly, not a monarch or something royal. a simple pretty...sorta moth like butterfly.  the butterfly did swoops and circles & would hide in the blades of grass.  i was enjoying this scene until i started to wonder what would happen once my niece actually caught the fluttering creature.  certain death i assume, this laughing girl w a lit'l rainbow manicure was going in for the kill.   perhaps not going for instant death, but at the very least placing it in a tupperware container and letting it perish slowly.

it was a beautiful day but as quickly as we arrived we needed to return back to chicago, so another 3 hour we go. with the Buick packed and samson & baxter in each arm we left.  all rested and relaxed we hit the highway, muttering thoughts and insights to one another for miles, silence for miles, and then more mutterings.  One of the mutterings that actually held merit came when Aaron noticed a Sarah Lee Foods truck on the highway; as we passed by he read the tag line  "nobody doesn't like Sara Lee"  like a moment of clarity he said he always thought the phrase was "Nobody does it like Sara Lee"   i thought the exact same thing.  I've heard that jingle for 20+ years and have always heard it wrong.   Wow!  I like our version better, less cocky and more realistic.  Ms. Lee is making some grand claims thinkin NOBODY doesn't like her....Hmmmmm.  Reality check Sara, there's plenty of people who don't like you........PLENTY!

Sorry Ms. Lee.......soo soo sorry.  ;)

A to B and up a tree, round the bend and back again....weekend edition

"who are you, where do you come from, are you listening to me? alright Mr. Sister, I want you to tell me, stand up and tell the class what do you wanna do w/ your life."

I wanna ROCK!

i've frequently refer to myself  as an A to B guy.  its what i find to be comfortable.  going from one point to another.  school to work. work to home. home to friends.  never very comfortable about free-styling through my day.  but i think that sometimes its important to skip the tracks and derail every now and then.  there's probably a lot of groovy livin to be had between A & B.

when i was younger I was taken in to have my eyes checked at the local JcPenney. the doctor said i had lazy eyes and needed to exercise them.  he told me to take the phone book, focus on the fine print and then look up.  i guess the muscle that contracts my retina was weak.  okay?   to this day i have never really worked that muscle group like i should, not sure where that leaves me now. my reaction time has perhaps slowed a bit.  When driving our Buick down the off ramp of a 10 story parking garage I have the worst time navigating down the spiral exit ramp. Aaron is always hollering at me, saying I'm driving too close to the side wall, my whole problem is that the walls are the same damn color as the ground and I can't distinguish between the two, I keep telling him this and he says I'm nutz.    i probs should get a check up soon.  focus danielson  focus those damn eyes, focus those lazy damn eyes!

what kind of man am I?  I'm going to have to take a note from a group of people I refer to as my life coaches-- Miyagi, Rogers & Michaels.   Mr. Miyagi demands focus, Mr rogers says to respect diversity and Mr. George Michael says I've gotta have faith, and a good lawyer. 

 

These are my trailblazers, the ones who've helped shape my existence.

  i say  Lets Dance and put on some shiny pants!