Stick a pin on me

Don't under estimate a properly placed accessory. I was walking my dog Baxter and seemed to catch the eye of every person walking by, enjoyed a couple of conversations w/ a few of them.  Had I been a solo dude minding my own business I would have never had these encounters. I'm thinking there is something to this.

Without Canine? Try these ideas:

• tie a balloon to your wrist
• carry a bouquet of flowers
• set your ring-tone to a Sade tune

all could be considered olive branches or gestures of openness to your fellow man, folks may think you a bit off your rocker but the second glance they give you may become a conversation worth a lifetime of perspective.

I was reminded recently the importance of embracing those around us, even when it can be difficult and uncomfortable. To ask questions and give each other a chance to respond.

5 days a week I share a train ride amongst hundreds of other people going in the same direction, all with goals, ambitions and mixed up insecurities.  As I was reflecting on the ten year anniversary of 911, I remembered how for that moment, we all were on the same page, grieving and supporting one another.  It is a good feeling to know your community has your back when a crisis hits.  I want that feeling to continue, I want to make myself accessible and available moving forward into the next 10 years.

Maybe I should get one of those blinking buttons that reads:

'available to talk, let's share ideas & fun'

I'd make sure it had a picture of a flower or a bird on it, just to show I was a peaceful sort, I wouldn't want anyone to think I was a FreakAnature.   

Ole creaky Bone show

Not Samson

My dog Samson is so old and lazy, from the comfort of my easy chair, I have to exercise him by throwing popcorn kernels into different parts of the room. I guess popcorn tastes just as good to dogs as it does to humans, Samson can't get enough of the stuff.

Our walks have become abbreviated in recent months as Samson's arthritis begins to set in, poor lit'l fella. We used to be able to walk for 45 mins exploring the neighborhood, peaking into neighbors windows trying to catch a glimpse of the lives of others, don't get me wrong, I'm not wearing a pair of binoculars around my neck, just casually observing my surroundings.

Samson has his routine down, gets it done and turns around to head back inside to his favorite spot. He has had a few favorite nesting spots in our place, the top of the sofa being the kings throne to both of the dogs. Whenever Samson is not occupying it, Baxter is happy to jump up and take his place.

Lately Samson has been nesting in the curtain that gathers along the ground of our dining room window.  Next to the window Aaron has placed a four foot Greek column that elevates a bronze urn he bought in an antique shop. Aaron and I have joked that Samson is claiming that particular urn for his own, post life, when he is in the form of ash. Makes me sad to think about it, but being a 14 year old dog I realize I need to prepare for the inevitable.

But don't crank up the furnace just yet, I think Samson has some good days ahead of him. I kiss him on the head every time I carry him down the steps, hopefully this comforts him, I don't see why it wouldn't. Doesn't everybody liked to be kissed and held by their beer breath owner?  Ohh well, it sure as hell makes me feel better. 

Puppy lovin, doncha agree,

the fun begins when you are with me. 

 Samson, oh Samson. 

Yah lift your leg while you  take a pee.

 oh Samson, oh Samson.

 Me love you, oh me Love you to the 10th degree.

  

 la la la la la la la la la la......10th DeGree!

Screamin Eagulzzz

"I am gettin too hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off"  Nelly 2002

"I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet yeah" Def Leppard 1987

"Summertime and the livin' is easy" Gershwin/Porgy & Bess 1935

Oohhh, scorcher in Chicago --- predicted to hit 92 degrees Fahrenheit. Ouch! Aaron is outta town and has left me to care for the garden project and our 2 lovable Yorkies Samson & Baxter.

Samson hates this weather, I can't believe how long his tongue gets on days like these, it seems to drag along the ground as he shuffles along. I'm so glad human tongues don't fall out of our mouths when we get hot, we just sweat, stink and moan.

I like the idea that warm weather slows us down a bit, let's us appreciate those people and things around us at a different speed.

55F degree day:

Thanks Tanya for the cream pie you left on my doorstep, I was almost knee deep in it as I was leavin for work. Your a peach...we'll talk. (Hand sign for cell phone)

100F degree day

Tanya....... omgod Tanya. I fell face first into you cream pie today. Its the heat gurl...... Omgod. I opened up my screen door........ and I just collapsed right there....... right then. ahhhhh...Your cream pie saved my life!

I need a friend named Tanya!

I am going to stay cool today by drinking plenty of fluids and by fluids I mean 6 miller lites. My faithful dogs and a garden hose will be at my side as I deliver a river of hose water to our newly planted bushes. I may whistle and bob my head, spray the dogs or try to make a rainbow by spraying water into the sun, but gosh darn it, I'm keepin it slow, steady and efficient. Maybe ill write a modern version of a streetcar name desire

It was hot, so damned hot and all I've got left to hold is this sticky limp garden hose.

Wanted: Brick Layer

How much do you think it'd cost to build me a yellow brick road?  million bucks? I'm flexible on the color, hell it could be green & silver for all I care, it just needs to take me to Oz. I've got a few questions to ask a wizard.

1st question:  what happened to pink pistachios?

2nd question:  do live in Butlers ever get to throw parties?

3rd question:  do you know the way to San Jose?


I'd probably also ask em for a 3 finger pour of scotch but I'd hope he wouldn't count that against my wish tally, even a wizard can show some hospitality.

I'd like to visit the land of Oz, with all the little people who can sing in those beautiful harmonies and to be counseled by Glenda, the good witch. She's so pretty w/ that pink taffeta gown and the pink bubble she jets around in. Oz seems like a nice place to live, there's a mayor, a lawyer, lollipop gangsters. I'd bring my dog Baxter w/ me, unfortunately my dear Samson has arthritis in his back legs, those yellow bricks would be hell on his joints.

Me being a solid rule follower, I would have never left the brick road. Stick to the brick Dorothy. Remember when Dorothy got all buzzed in the poppy fields. Fiend! So many of the problems she ran into could've been avoided had she just followed Glenda's rules, silly girl.

My big frustration was at the end when the whole conflict was solved w/ a bucket of water, perhaps Glenda could've clued dorothy in on this witch weakness. If I were a wicked witch, priority #1 would be to get rid of ALL buckets of water, it's not like her castle was made of wood, it was stone for god's sake.

I figure it was Dorothy's journey to figure out all these lessons for herself, Glenda is wise, she was probably sittin back w a pink-tini watching the story unfold kinda like a guardian angel, that's sweet to think.

I attended a christian youth group when I was 18, sat in a circle of chairs. I remember when the leader lady told us the story of the day she threw out her elton john album Yellow Brick Road because it wasn't christ like. I was aghast & frozen.  WHAT! this christian youth group isn't for me, in fact Lady, your lit'l folding chair discussion is for the birds.  I wish I had a bucket of water that day!

Yup, them my holes. Don't mess w/ my Bushes!

Yuppers, summer 2011 has begun and the garden project is complete.  I have all my fingers and toes and my transulcent pale skin did not shrivel up underneath the blazing sun. My body soul and mind seem to be intact, however,  my beer supply is a little low but a quick visit to my Vietnamese Liquor lady will cure that.

Prior to this project I haven't touched earth for years, being a condo dweller and living in the city, my connection to nature is very artificial.  The closest I get to the ground these days is w/ a plastic baggie when go to pick up Samson & Baxters' droppings, yeah real cute, does wonders for my reputation.  "Hey, there is that lanky bald man w/ the 2 yappy dogs......is he picking up shizz?"  ahhhhh, yes,  that would be me, carefully picking up doggie goodness and sealing it up in a plastic bag.  There's got to be landfills of doggie specimens that go back for decades.  Forget about mosqitoes being forever encased in tree sap, we've made it real easy on the future scientists,  they'll be able to resurrect any of today's canine companions using the DNA from a petrified turd..... just like Jurasic Park.  

I've been happy being outside tending to the soil.  I did some watering today and spread some weed kill on the front lawn, got lots of crab grass and dandelions out there, looks real messy.  We want that lawn to be groomed and lovely w/ a consistent look. Kind of like Ricky Martins chest.  In fact I used to cream my coffee to match Ricky Martins complexion but since then I've been holding off on the dairy, so my coffee these days looks more like Samuel L Jackson.  I guess Ricky Martin is my complete style icon, shaking my bon bon and livin la vida loca, just got to figure out how "She Bangs" fits into my program.

Here's to a Happy Monday and to a week full of success & friendship and also to rid my mind of that Taylor Swift song I hummed everyday last week, I can't take it anymore.

toilet pater go down the hooole!

3 hrs + a sliver Buick + 2 Yorkshire Terriers =  Road-trip!  aaron & i took our lit'l ones, samson &  baxter to visit our niece and nephews in the Grand State of Michigan; off to celebrate aarons dad's 61st birthday.  His father is a kind man whom all the lit'l ones climb on and lead to their playroom. he carrys a pocket full of twizzlers and whips em out at all the right moments, kinda like a sugar sheriff controlling the peace

  "what? your crying because you stepped on a lego and it hurts like hell?  Bam! twizzle that pain away"

i was laying on a hammock, the little ones were running around chasing samson and baxter.  baxter absolutely loves this, samson on the other hand could do w/o and preferred to find a cool patch of grass and lay in the sun.  It was one of those days where it was just cool enough that you needed to find that sun ray or else a quick chill might set in.  i observed my lit'l niece chase a small white butterfly, not a monarch or something royal. a simple pretty...sorta moth like butterfly.  the butterfly did swoops and circles & would hide in the blades of grass.  i was enjoying this scene until i started to wonder what would happen once my niece actually caught the fluttering creature.  certain death i assume, this laughing girl w a lit'l rainbow manicure was going in for the kill.   perhaps not going for instant death, but at the very least placing it in a tupperware container and letting it perish slowly.

it was a beautiful day but as quickly as we arrived we needed to return back to chicago, so another 3 hour we go. with the Buick packed and samson & baxter in each arm we left.  all rested and relaxed we hit the highway, muttering thoughts and insights to one another for miles, silence for miles, and then more mutterings.  One of the mutterings that actually held merit came when Aaron noticed a Sarah Lee Foods truck on the highway; as we passed by he read the tag line  "nobody doesn't like Sara Lee"  like a moment of clarity he said he always thought the phrase was "Nobody does it like Sara Lee"   i thought the exact same thing.  I've heard that jingle for 20+ years and have always heard it wrong.   Wow!  I like our version better, less cocky and more realistic.  Ms. Lee is making some grand claims thinkin NOBODY doesn't like her....Hmmmmm.  Reality check Sara, there's plenty of people who don't like you........PLENTY!

Sorry Ms. Lee.......soo soo sorry.  ;)

The story of Teka Pee & Teka Poo

i have only taught my dogs a few commands. i figure by keeping this lexicon short and sweet we'll have greater success. so i've introduced some favorites like, sit, roll over, treat, and "shut up damnit!"  these words generally get us seeing eye to eye pretty quick.  on walks in the neighborhood I can be overheard saying "chill out Baxter...chill out!"  Baxter has social anxiety issues, he goes ballistic if he sees another dog, even from a distance. the whites of  his eyes turn black and his teeth start to drip blood, its completely embarrassing.  we've got ourselves a reputation up in hur. you'd think Baxter was a leashed version of Moses, people & dogs clear the sidewalk like the parting of the Red Sea when we come their way.  Underneath this crusty shell, Baxter has a real soft spot, even a sense of humor i'd say.  my dog has mastered this fantastic move, not sure where he got the idea to incorporate gymnastics and potty time but he sure nails it.  and EVERYTIME. He is a dedicated artist. When the #2 tango urge comes,  he choses to perform this while balancing on his 2 front paws.  incredible, but that's not all, for that extra touch he adds a helicopter spin, just spins in circles; its the cutest thing. Aaron and i like to call this maneuver his "cirque Deuce Ole"  haha.  our lit'l clown. 

cirque DEUCE Olay!