Sweep the Leg

I think I'll open up a stationary store that sells paper cranes. The first half of my day will be spent folding colorful paper in all the intricate paper crane ways. The second half of my day would be spent selling each lit'l treasure while washing down fava beans with a nice chianti.

I used to know how to fold paper-cranes, I was taught by a couple boys I babysat when I was in the sixth grade. I tell you, folding cranes is not like learning how to ride a bike, I have most certainly forgot. I couldn't fold a paper crane if my life depended on it. For me to get back on the paper-crane express, I gonna need a Miyagi tutoring in my off hours.

If the paper-cranes store doesn't work out? I think I will design a bullshit calculator that records the crap one has had to put up with during the course of a day. When your ready you hit a fix me button and it prescribes you a feel good solution:

Feel good solution # 1

• 2 Michael Jackson songs
• Ping pong ball sized clump of Oreo filling
• 30 seconds of baby giggles

Feel good solution #2

• 2 wet Yorkshire Terrier noses
• Dipping your feet in a jar of Skittles
• A Gospel choir singing your name in 4 part harmony

I need one of these million dollar ideas to take root soon, I've got a few checks in the mail that could use a stiffer backbone.

My auto pilot is on strike!

My computer auto corrected the word Elton for me today, I thought that was a nice step forward for the GLBTQ community

He said she said.... it Is what it Is.....One night in Bangkok and the world is your oyster 

...yikes.  I don't think Bangkok and oyster should be in the same sentence. 

I am a man of routine. I have a certain schedule, I do things in a similar order every morning. Brush teeth, shave, wash the pits and then sing a 3 verse version of Jimmy Crack Corn. I'm comforted by my schedule, it allows my mind to drift and explore while being assured that my daily essentials are being covered.

When life changes my schedule I get jittery, confused and a tad upset.  I imagine similar to a bee who comes back to its hive after its been robbed of honey. Do you know how many flower petals it had to rub against its belly for one single drop of that goodness?  Its criminal! No wonder we have those kamikaze bees who fly into your mouth when drinkin a sweet beverage, they're Pissed!

My jitters take awhile to calm, I can hold onto a mood for dayz. I'd like to think I get better with age, to realize the mantra "don't sweat the small stuff, and by the way..... its all small stuff". Yeah, well sometimes the man in my brain who controls my happy chemicals is asleep at the wheel, for realz. Ole Man Sunshine Juice needs to give it up more freely. I see these other people walkin the earth all high on life, farting rainbows, what gives?

Kissing & Jumpin & Meeting & F&%K#N

I could try that martial art routine I see people do in the park, those who walk around in Kung Fu clothes and practice that slow motion technique of Mr. Miyagi's paint the fence and wax the car. They look peaceful when doing this, I'd feel too self conscious to try this, I'd be a puddle of tears the moment a car load of kids came by. "Hey Praying Mantis, go back to your hole, no room here for Judo Bugs!" 

Happy Hump Day Y'all  may your weekend solace find you sweetly

A to B and up a tree, round the bend and back again....weekend edition

"who are you, where do you come from, are you listening to me? alright Mr. Sister, I want you to tell me, stand up and tell the class what do you wanna do w/ your life."

I wanna ROCK!

i've frequently refer to myself  as an A to B guy.  its what i find to be comfortable.  going from one point to another.  school to work. work to home. home to friends.  never very comfortable about free-styling through my day.  but i think that sometimes its important to skip the tracks and derail every now and then.  there's probably a lot of groovy livin to be had between A & B.

when i was younger I was taken in to have my eyes checked at the local JcPenney. the doctor said i had lazy eyes and needed to exercise them.  he told me to take the phone book, focus on the fine print and then look up.  i guess the muscle that contracts my retina was weak.  okay?   to this day i have never really worked that muscle group like i should, not sure where that leaves me now. my reaction time has perhaps slowed a bit.  When driving our Buick down the off ramp of a 10 story parking garage I have the worst time navigating down the spiral exit ramp. Aaron is always hollering at me, saying I'm driving too close to the side wall, my whole problem is that the walls are the same damn color as the ground and I can't distinguish between the two, I keep telling him this and he says I'm nutz.    i probs should get a check up soon.  focus danielson  focus those damn eyes, focus those lazy damn eyes!

what kind of man am I?  I'm going to have to take a note from a group of people I refer to as my life coaches-- Miyagi, Rogers & Michaels.   Mr. Miyagi demands focus, Mr rogers says to respect diversity and Mr. George Michael says I've gotta have faith, and a good lawyer. 

 

These are my trailblazers, the ones who've helped shape my existence.

  i say  Lets Dance and put on some shiny pants!