Strike a Hose, Lets Vogue!

Get in the Knowz, Don't Drink From a Garden Hose!  It is now out of fashion to drink from a hose, these are the warnings I am hearing. 

I probably have consumed 100 gallons of water from a hose, as a kid I would wait in line for a sip, and not just casually, I would anxiously wait in line to drink from a hose. I am Fine! I have never turned blue, never cramped up and filled cones w/soft serve from my back side, me is A O Kay! 

I was chatting up my neighbor the other day while I was watering my hedge. He brought up the no hose warning and I had agreed that I too have noticed this new commandment. I don't remember hearing this last summer, is it possible that this is a new announcement from a governmental safety commission? I mentioned how sad it would be to sit on a commission that removes nostalgia from the human existence, what are they gonna take away from us next? The three legged race! 

We'll they better step up there game because I am quite certain for every one item they protect us from they are missing 10 or more. Its like those drug mules they use when transporting narcotics over the border, send over 20 and only a few will get caught.

I will not be surprised if we are told that we've been slowly shooting each other into Swiss Cheese w/ laser beams from our remote controls, I could only imagine how many kill shots I've delivered to friends and family over the years flipping back and forth between Wheel of Fortune and Golden Girls.

• Microwaves, I still think these things are turning my insides to plastic, cooking with radio waves I fine with, but the flimsy cracked door that separates me from the micro magic doesn't seem sufficient.

• That x ray machine at my dentists office, the long tube canon looking object that is so dangerous, that they exit the room, leaving me alone w/ a bib made out of lead.  Question: so this lead blanket is protecting my chest from harmful radiation, great thank you,  but what is protecting my FACE!

I'm thinking its an equation where scientists and doctors have plugged in statistics to determine the pros and cons with these procedures and make decisions to move forward with the lesser of the evils.

"Do we let Todd's mouth decay with cavities or do we shoot him up Chernobyl style and hope he doesn't develop a third nipple..... ahh just throw a lead blanket on the guy, he'll be fine."

Yes, life is good and I intend on living a long one. I'll heed the warnings and continue doing what feelz right, but damn, the whole germ, moldy hose talk has ruined an activity for me.  So long to garden hose drinking, I"ll miss yah.