Can you hear what I hear

They say if you hold a sea shell up to your ear you will hear the sounds of the ocean....what if that particular sea shell happened to be nearby a shark attack, what do you think you'd hear then?

As a kid I was told a sea shell records or memorizes the sounds of the sea. Mermaids, sea horses, skinny dipping, all the fun attributes of water. I took these words literally and would hold a large Conk Shell up to my ear and listen to the wonders of the deep blue sea......boy was I an idiot!

As a Scorpio, I am a water sign. This makes sense to me, for peace of mind, I frequently turn to the tub for a long soak or sit down and have the shower head rain on me. I do this despite the warning that 5 mins or longer in a hot shower will dry your skin into the feel and texture of a saltine cracker.

I battle dry skin mostly during the winter season, the air in Chicago becomes very dry and cold. This year I took the advice of a massage artist who told me to rub coconut oil all over my body, he said after using this on his elbows, they became baby soft. Wow! Skin like a baby! I would look awesome all moisturized and pumped, walking around looking like a Campbell soup Kid.

I left that appointment and headed directly to the Whole Foods Market nearby. I searched the aisles and was directed to the cooking oil section. This is what he sent me in for, a coconut oil in the solid state. For about 2 months I religiously lathered up in this coconut grease, it worked pretty well.  I liked that it was a natural substance and had I been a Cave Man in the olden days, I could've enjoyed also. After a while I ended up switching back to a legitimate body cream, smelling like a Hawaiian Tropic Girl on a daily basis got old and the requests to remove my top were getting out of hand. 

If I were to design my own body cream I think I would put 25 percent coconut oils, 10 percent oatmeal, 5 percent patchouli, 25 percent butter cream and finish it off with a bucket of baby tears for good measure. I'd also include an extending rod so I could apply to those hard to reach places on my back, I swear the center of my back might as well be located on the moon.