Banana seat w/ some chopped nuts

Summer 2011 is here and I am a happy man for it.  Aaron and I did some tinkering in the garden this weekend, I am still having to dig the dirt from underneath my nails, don't want anyone to think I'm a hillbilly.

I went for a bike ride w my friend Jillian a few weeks ago and wowzers!, 3 days later my ass still felt like ass.

I borrowed the neighbor lady's bike, helmet and all. It was white with the sloping lady bar, never have figured  out why ladies have the drooping frame, if anyone can kick their legs over a high bar its a woman. I don't understand the lady sloping bar, Do the Olympic lady bike riders have sloping bars?  I don't think so. Maybe its a throw back to the day w/ women would ride side saddle.

We love Bananas!

Jillian and I probably rode for a total of ten miles. We went through a sculpture park, rode by a beach and watched a guy rinse his t-shirt in a drinking fountain, Gross!  

My undercarriage took a beating that day, I supposed I will need to gradually work up a tolerance before I can continue to log double digit miles on a bike. 

Its monday, It's raining and I've got lotsa work stuff to accomplish.  Wishing you all well!  I think I'll work the phrase "shiver me timbers" into a dialogue today.  

Chapped my hide, I need a bigger lip balm!

Aaron bought a portable spray tanner last week during his tour of the great state of Michigan.

It is a lit'l airbrush machine that is connected to a compressor. I have to say, it worked pretty well. Aaron is walking around with skin tones like Beyonce Knowles & all the single ladies who put their hands up.

Standing completely bare cept for a panty like undie covering his jimmy, aaron had his entire body sprayed. Head shoulder knees and toes, then repeated. Head shoulder knees and toes, knees and toes. His skin quickly turned the color of hickory, so lovely. He had bought some pastel clothing and a Britney Spears wicker fedora, his summer look now complete.

His inspiration quickly turned to me and my lack of look. The air gun was fired up and started spitting tan dye in my face, I closed my eyes and felt the cool haze. A quick look in the mirror confirmed my mocha complexion, a mixture of j-lo and Mr T, yet still a strong resemblance of Florence Henderson from the Brady Bunch.  Its this damn hawk nose I have, surprised I wasn't born w/ a set of talons.

I don't think I have vanity issues, I'm usually a very easy going dude w/ simple tastes.  but the other day in a Nordstrom changing room, I was left in a puddle of self doubt.  I now sympathize will all the ladies out there who have cried when picking out bathing suits.  its terrible!  These stores should really have a simulated beach area w/ sand to stand on while you look at yourself in a mirror, help us out a bit!  The whole commericial grade carpet and chipped drywall under flourescent lights is not working, might as well have a line of school girls standing there gossiping, giggling & passing notes, its miserable!  I put on a few pair of shorts and I looked ridiculous.  knobby knees garnished w/ a toss of spider veins.  WHY do I have varicose veins? I'm told it's from crossing my legs too much, I was blessed w/ teenie testes so I have the option. 

I nearly fainted after viewing my reflection, Aaron saw the look in my eyes and backed off, bless his heart.  His quest for my new look would have to wait for another day. I told him that I'd endure the heat and carry on w/ my decade old poly pant look.  We discussed a clam digger style pant, those pants that go below the knees but tailored to the leg, nothing baggy.  I said I'd be willing to give those a shot.  We left the store, I bought a pair of aviator glasses to hide my shame.  My journey through middle age took another hit that day, if this continues, I'm thinking the whole Burqa look may need to be my next option 

Would a parasol be too much?

Fuhn in the suhn!  I am happy to report that Chicago has seen it's first glimpse of summer and can I tell you "how sweet it is, to be in love w/ you" 

Its as if I've entered a Wonka Land of sorts, surrounded by shimmery sparkling people w/ all their body parts showing.  I don't think I've seen a strangers legs in 6 months.  I feel reborn and dewy, I feel as if my fresh skin is being fanned by the wings of a 1000 angels.  Waking up to sun completely affects my mood, I am a changed man.  Btw the way, I might downgrade my wing flapping angels to 10,  I'm thinking the velocity of 1000 Angels would blow me into next week,  plus all the chatter amongst themselves.  I do better in small groups.

  Beach bag season is catching up to us, get prepared and get those burn creams ready.  My partner aaron is already sporting a facial burn just from sitting on a park bench during a visit to the zoo. Poor guy, but he'll be ok,  he's got a product for everything. You wouldn't believe how many different creams he has. He's got eye cream, face cream, body cream, cuticle cream and a leave in tacky hair cream, but before you Cream up you've got to Clean up, so he's got products that clean, that scour, that remove.  He also has a bottle of face liquid that is referred to as a tonic, I slapped a bit on my face and could swear it was just water.  He assures me it is full of nutrients that stimulate my skin prior to moisturizing.

Body, Soul & Home.  Aaron is just a thorough w/ our home;  he has a cleaning agent for everything. we're talking, Wood cleaner, stove top cleaner, all purpose cleaner, silver cleaner, window cleaner, toilet bowl cleaner, pet stain cleaner, jewelry cleaner, he even has a spray soution designed for artificial plants, I guess to perk em up and make them look lively.  My aaron has a solution for every body/home/life need.  His remedy for facial burn, a cooling yogurt cream.  nice.

Why sit on the sidelines and suffer when you can attack your problems head on.  

words falling from the sky

trumpets escorted me on my walk to the train today, the pavement was wet from last nights rainfall, the morning sunshine bright and gleaming off all surfaces.  the air is warm and the sky powder blue. It is beautiful. I was standing in a suit and tie feeling a drunk sensation off the natural beauty around me..........or was that last nights bender?  either way this beauty must be contagious because the chatter on the train today on a scale of 1 to 10 was set at an eleven, not ten, but eleven. 

The conversation behind me consisted of two lovely ladies, they were talking about eyelashes that were made from animal hair, can you believe that?  In front of me were 3 Ke$sha wanna bees  w/ dirty mouths, dropping F bombs, wearing flip flops and hot pink leggins. Where the hell am I?  can we all just zip it and stare out the window in SILENCE.

I just sat there in my suit/tie and pretended not to notice or hear, I was just the man engrossed in my cell phone reading the daily news.  SURE, my concentration skills finely tuned, your stories of infidelity and mismatched clothing choices don't rock me at all. My morning train ride is usually a library silent shell with the occasional light conversation, but today everyone was excited, everyone excited to relate and share the sunshine, that same sunshine I had been drunk on, like a wasted junkie huffing dust gone from a paper sack.

I guess I was just jealous this morning, jealous that I didn't have anyone around to share aimless musings with, no one to bounce back and forth with.

  "you idiot, Pat Sajak is awesome, how dare you belittle that man's work".

 i saw j lo perform her new hit song "on the floor" on idol last night, cute tune. i got caught up in the hook,  hell yeah.

"dont stop, keep it moving, put your drinks up"

she filled the stage with dancers, was elevated like a rising Christ figure......it was really special. she was also wearing these white diaper pants covered in glitter, i didn't understand them.  were they intended to conceal or was this a fashion choice? can i also tell you,  and i am certainly prepared to hand in my cool dude card because of this, BUT...i think i am now a fan of that Lady antebellum singing group.  im so sorry to you guys, i cant help it.  those 3 voice harmonies.  that super tall kenny loggins/rogers guy with that husky 70's/80's voice. I think my inner geriatric is kicking in, my instinct says to run like hell but my eyes/ears just clap  "oooh, that's pretty".  oh well. guess my only move is to turn on some OZZY and get my stride back. yeah,  

CAN YOU HEAR ME DETROIT!