Showing posts with label train. Show all posts
Showing posts with label train. Show all posts

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Yo ho ho and a btl of Perfume please!



Take time to smell the roses they say........ I wish I had time to smell roses, unfortunately for me My evening commute had me pressed against a sweaty chica w/ a yoga mat hanging out of her back pack, I have no idea what yoga technique she uses but judging from the amount of perspiration saturating her tank top, I'm thinking it needs to be taken down a notch.

I thought yoga is supposed to be peaceful, pressed up against this lady you'd think I was standing in a field of cow manure watching dirty hippies blowing peace bubbles using ass gas. Complete rankidty rank.

I go to great lengths to keep my odor under control, I use breath mints, I incessantly check my teeth in the mirror looking for debris, my aim is to be presentable when in public, not a drippy sweaty mess; of course the fact that I never work out certainly helps.

I guess I should give this yoga princess a break, here she is just trying to find her spiritual calm and here I am slinging judgment all over her, I'm lousey, just a big ole jerk.........however just when I'm about to give this funkarella a pass, my own spiritual calm calls me up, 

Ring ring ring:

Todd:
Hello
Todd's Spiritual Calm:

Uhhhmmn, you know. Smelling like a toxic clam shell on a stick isn't my idea of harmony and peace.

Todd:

Relax, it's just a few more stops.

Todd's spiritual calm:

well, she isn't really doing anyone any good by dripping her spiritual toxins all over the train floor, she should try soap, water & some moisturizing cream. 

Todd:

Give me a break, everyone has a bad day.

Todd's spiritual Calm:

Bad Day!  I wish I could cure a bad day w/ a simple wipe of a moist toilette underneath a funky pit!


So you know what Yoga Lady! These pits don't lie, wipe up that funk beforez youz drip the stank sweat all over my work loafers, if you truly want to be one w/ this earth and all that peaceful concourse, then I suggest you don't rub your yoga brew all over my starched shirt. Word!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

chords of funshine



i absolutely love seeing people carrying musical instruments around.  i was sitting on a bus this evening and i observed a man with a guitar case.  he seemed to blend in with the crowd, nothing especially eccentric about his look except for a guitar case he had his arm wrapped around.  The guitar case gave him a swagger, a sense of mystery.  i couldn't help but visualize the facial expressions he'd display while plucking out a tune.  strumming a 3 chord melody to a group of strangers in a local tavern.




i absolutely love live performances.  there is a tangible reality that musician and audience member get to be a part of when a live set is played. For all I know, this man w/ the guitar could have be coming home from a beginners 101 banjo lesson but either way i think its cool. I think it is cool that he is spending his time creating and sharing.  Now! had he been carrying a cello and taking up an extra seat, this post may be completely different.  I have definite opinions on train etiquette and an overblown cello getting in the way of my lazy arsz certainly falls in the category of "things that drive me mad" OR  "things that freak my shiz"

 i ran into an ole friend on my train this morning. lets call her Penelope.  she is a fiery beautiful gal w 2 kids, she was a college classmate/roommate of mine back in the late 90's millennium era.   I was on my routine walk to the train this morning, when I see this all terrain stroller lady whizz past and up the way through a set of doors.  I swear her hustle was such that it could have compared to a gorilla in a banana eating contest.  A double decker stroller, one baby in front and other in back.  i had to run up and catch her.  she, out of breath apologized for her quick emotion but explained missing the 8am train would cause her baby boy to be late.  i thought it wonderful that she was so engrossed in her children but what amazed me most were her questions towards me and her asking about my dogs and partner aaron. i was touched. This women who times the train and knows every bathroom function of these two little children has the time to ask me how I am.   i have run into Penelope several time on this train and have enjoyed our talks.  she makes her boy address me as mr todd which I think is funny.  today the lit't one asked what "firing" meant.  Penelope patiently explained that when someone doesn't do their job their boss can fire them, that they will need to pack up there things and never come back.



I love how explaining difficult adult situations to children can sound so simple.  I think I need to hire a preschool teacher to come into my home and give me a rundown of my life; come in, pour me a glass of milk and lay it down.  There is a certain sweetness that is added when talking to children. I think if we applied this sweetness to adults we might open up a few new avenues.

I'm sorry sir, the ham panini is not available because so so many people before you came with similar wants/needs and decided to gobble them ALL up.....would you like a Pb&J instead?"  


Asking questions is a good thing, I believe we all need to ask more questions and listen for good answers.


"how did I spend $100 last night?" 

"where did I park my car?"
"why am I wearing a tutu?"

Saturday, May 7, 2011

words falling from the sky



trumpets escorted me on my walk to the train today, the pavement was wet from last nights rainfall, the morning sunshine bright and gleaming off all surfaces.  the air is warm and the sky powder blue. It is beautiful. I was standing in a suit and tie feeling a drunk sensation off the natural beauty around me..........or was that last nights bender?  either way this beauty must be contagious because the chatter on the train today on a scale of 1 to 10 was set at an eleven, not ten, but eleven

The conversation behind me consisted of two lovely ladies, they were talking about eyelashes that were made from animal hair, can you believe that?  In front of me were 3 Ke$sha wanna bees  w/ dirty mouths, dropping F bombs, wearing flip flops and hot pink leggins. Where the hell am I?  can we all just zip it and stare out the window in SILENCE.



I just sat there in my suit/tie and pretended not to notice or hear, I was just the man engrossed in my cell phone reading the daily news.  SURE, my concentration skills finely tuned, your stories of infidelity and mismatched clothing choices don't rock me at all. My morning train ride is usually a library silent shell with the occasional light conversation, but today everyone was excited, everyone excited to relate and share the sunshine, that same sunshine I had been drunk on, like a wasted junkie huffing dust gone from a paper sack.

I guess I was just jealous this morning, jealous that I didn't have anyone around to share aimless musings with, no one to bounce back and forth with.




 i saw j lo perform her new hit song "on the floor" on idol last night, cute tune. i got caught up in the hook,  hell yeah.


she filled the stage with dancers, was elevated like a rising Christ figure......it was really special. she was also wearing these white diaper pants covered in glitter, i didn't understand them.  were they intended to conceal or was this a fashion choice? can i also tell you,  and i am certainly prepared to hand in my cool dude card because of this, BUT...i think i am now a fan of that Lady antebellum singing group.  im so sorry to you guys, i cant help it.  those 3 voice harmonies.  that super tall kenny loggins/rogers guy with that husky 70's/80's voice. I think my inner geriatric is kicking in, my instinct says to run like hell but my eyes/ears just clap  "oooh, that's pretty".  oh well. guess my only move is to turn on some OZZY and get my stride back. yeah,