Chitty Chitty my Bang Bang

If the option is possible I would like to live my next life as a fly girl.

I was introduced to the fly girl concept in the early 90's when I first tuned in to the Wayan Brothers tv comedy show "In living Color". Hilarious show that featured and launched the careers of all the Wayan brothers, Jim Carrey and Jamie Fox.

One notable performer that could be seen sweatin it up in an off the shoulder top and a pair of leggings, was the lovable Jennifer Lopez. I had never heard of a fly girl prior to this so in my mind, J LO is the original fly girl.

or maybe it was Flash Dance's Jennifer Beals?

I was kidding around with a co worker this past weekend while working a music festival. He started to busta move underneath our food tent, rockin his shoulders back and forth to the music, I suggested he would make a great fly girl. He being a straight man quickly corrected me and introduced me to an entirely new term, The Hype Man.

these are the guys who stand on stage and get the crowd pumped and feelin the cool groove, the flava of the hour. My vision involves a microphone and a dude yelling different catch phrases to the crowd & waving their arms back and forth.

Come on, come on, come on

What! You gonna be sweatin

Stand up, feel the beats in your feets

Yeah, I'm still thinkin the fly girl is the better route for me, my Hype Man crowd chatter would probably fall short

Alright people, tap your toes & sip those cocktails....alright

Let's huddle together and jump in unison! Whoa you can do it

Put you right arm in, put your right arm out....come on, its the Hokey Pokey

I wonder if being fly and full of hype gets old after awhile? There has to be the occasion when a Hype man himself needs a lit'l boost. That would be the ultimate use of life, to hype up a Hype Man or to motivate a Fly girl into her tights and encourage her to spin, whip her hair and get that body movin.

So we ain't gonna stumble and fall
Never
Waiting to see a sign of defeat

 So we gonna keep everyone
Moving their feet
So bring back the beat
And then everyone sing

 It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the price tag

Jessie J "Price Tag"

Doe a Deer -- Ride a Pony

 

 

Day light come and me wanna go home.  

please mister tally man, tally me banana.

I wish I were a tally man, dude who gets to ride around in a jeep w safari clothes counting bananas and letting people go home, though I'm terrible w numbers and my attention span is that of a gnat w/ indigestion.

 I'm sure tally man has a boss also. Tally man probably has his own song to sing bout going home. 

Ridin in my jeep all day Long! 

Day light come and me wanna go home.  

Countin damn bananas as my crew pick more! 

Day light come and me wanna go home

I tell you, this daily grind can be rough, this journey we find our selves on. There's some poem mantra floating around that is intended to remind us that we should enjoy and respect our lives as they are, not wallow in our pain but acknowledge our riches.

"Don't hate your job because at least you have a job to hate, don't complain about money for at least you have breath to speak your hate. Don't fret the price of gas at least you have a car that needs gas" something like this....I couldn't google it.  DAMN IT! CHRIST!

.....yeah yeah yeah.  How bout. "Don't stop! Keep it moving --- Get your drinks up!"...... Yup Ms J Lo laying it down real good. Who's got problems now?  Not me, jenny from the block has spoken

Its rough everywhere, no matter where you look. Cops, bus drivers, teachers, doctors, window cleaners, choreographers.  We all get 24 hrs a day to live, and no one owns me, every minute is mine. Can I get an amen!  - think I'm gonna turn on some ABBA, those swedes sure looked liked they made the most of their minutes.

Chapped my hide, I need a bigger lip balm!

Aaron bought a portable spray tanner last week during his tour of the great state of Michigan.

It is a lit'l airbrush machine that is connected to a compressor. I have to say, it worked pretty well. Aaron is walking around with skin tones like Beyonce Knowles & all the single ladies who put their hands up.

Standing completely bare cept for a panty like undie covering his jimmy, aaron had his entire body sprayed. Head shoulder knees and toes, then repeated. Head shoulder knees and toes, knees and toes. His skin quickly turned the color of hickory, so lovely. He had bought some pastel clothing and a Britney Spears wicker fedora, his summer look now complete.

His inspiration quickly turned to me and my lack of look. The air gun was fired up and started spitting tan dye in my face, I closed my eyes and felt the cool haze. A quick look in the mirror confirmed my mocha complexion, a mixture of j-lo and Mr T, yet still a strong resemblance of Florence Henderson from the Brady Bunch.  Its this damn hawk nose I have, surprised I wasn't born w/ a set of talons.

I don't think I have vanity issues, I'm usually a very easy going dude w/ simple tastes.  but the other day in a Nordstrom changing room, I was left in a puddle of self doubt.  I now sympathize will all the ladies out there who have cried when picking out bathing suits.  its terrible!  These stores should really have a simulated beach area w/ sand to stand on while you look at yourself in a mirror, help us out a bit!  The whole commericial grade carpet and chipped drywall under flourescent lights is not working, might as well have a line of school girls standing there gossiping, giggling & passing notes, its miserable!  I put on a few pair of shorts and I looked ridiculous.  knobby knees garnished w/ a toss of spider veins.  WHY do I have varicose veins? I'm told it's from crossing my legs too much, I was blessed w/ teenie testes so I have the option. 

I nearly fainted after viewing my reflection, Aaron saw the look in my eyes and backed off, bless his heart.  His quest for my new look would have to wait for another day. I told him that I'd endure the heat and carry on w/ my decade old poly pant look.  We discussed a clam digger style pant, those pants that go below the knees but tailored to the leg, nothing baggy.  I said I'd be willing to give those a shot.  We left the store, I bought a pair of aviator glasses to hide my shame.  My journey through middle age took another hit that day, if this continues, I'm thinking the whole Burqa look may need to be my next option 

words falling from the sky

trumpets escorted me on my walk to the train today, the pavement was wet from last nights rainfall, the morning sunshine bright and gleaming off all surfaces.  the air is warm and the sky powder blue. It is beautiful. I was standing in a suit and tie feeling a drunk sensation off the natural beauty around me..........or was that last nights bender?  either way this beauty must be contagious because the chatter on the train today on a scale of 1 to 10 was set at an eleven, not ten, but eleven. 

The conversation behind me consisted of two lovely ladies, they were talking about eyelashes that were made from animal hair, can you believe that?  In front of me were 3 Ke$sha wanna bees  w/ dirty mouths, dropping F bombs, wearing flip flops and hot pink leggins. Where the hell am I?  can we all just zip it and stare out the window in SILENCE.

I just sat there in my suit/tie and pretended not to notice or hear, I was just the man engrossed in my cell phone reading the daily news.  SURE, my concentration skills finely tuned, your stories of infidelity and mismatched clothing choices don't rock me at all. My morning train ride is usually a library silent shell with the occasional light conversation, but today everyone was excited, everyone excited to relate and share the sunshine, that same sunshine I had been drunk on, like a wasted junkie huffing dust gone from a paper sack.

I guess I was just jealous this morning, jealous that I didn't have anyone around to share aimless musings with, no one to bounce back and forth with.

  "you idiot, Pat Sajak is awesome, how dare you belittle that man's work".

 i saw j lo perform her new hit song "on the floor" on idol last night, cute tune. i got caught up in the hook,  hell yeah.

"dont stop, keep it moving, put your drinks up"

she filled the stage with dancers, was elevated like a rising Christ figure......it was really special. she was also wearing these white diaper pants covered in glitter, i didn't understand them.  were they intended to conceal or was this a fashion choice? can i also tell you,  and i am certainly prepared to hand in my cool dude card because of this, BUT...i think i am now a fan of that Lady antebellum singing group.  im so sorry to you guys, i cant help it.  those 3 voice harmonies.  that super tall kenny loggins/rogers guy with that husky 70's/80's voice. I think my inner geriatric is kicking in, my instinct says to run like hell but my eyes/ears just clap  "oooh, that's pretty".  oh well. guess my only move is to turn on some OZZY and get my stride back. yeah,  

CAN YOU HEAR ME DETROIT!