Neck Tattoooz Blueezz

Please don't call me insensitive, but I couldn't resist a double take today when I walked by a blind person with a neck tattoo.

so many questions flooded my mind.  Did he get the tattoo prior to becoming blind or after? Did he pick out the tattoo?  How did this happen? does he have a super great trustworthy friend who can help make some of those difficult neck tattoo decisions that the process requires? 

Like I said earlier, please don't label me insensitive.  I have the highest regard for blind people, whenever I see them on the streets I think of them as superheros and admire their courage as I get out of the way of their swinging stick.

True Story:

I once turned a corner on a Chicago sidewalk right into the line of fire of a blind person's walking stick, it was Me vs. Stick vs Side of a Building. The closest thing to an attack I've experienced since moving to Chicago

If I was blind, I don't think I could trust someone enough to tell me to get a neck tattoo.  I think having the visual sense removed from my consciousness would motivate me to throw the whole concept out the window.  I'd request, a daily look and stick w/ it.  I wouldn't have someone coordinate ties, shirts and socks for me  NO!  I'd have a uniform.  I think I'd be more interested in sound and touch sensation.

I'd probably wear an entire outfit of corduroy just so I could run my fingers over the texture all day long.  My concern wouldn't be what tattoo or what color polo I should sport....I 'd be more focused on the way I deliver sentences, and trying not to use the word "umm" so much. I'd work on those blind people super senses, especially the eavesdropping technique.....that could be useful.

I admire blind people and I hope there is someone out there reading my blog on a braille reader machine. I would enjoy getting a snarky comment from a blind reader who defends the use of tattoos.  I certainly would entertain the argument and do my best to understand their point of view. A back and forth w/ a braille reader machine could be fun, I think I would break the ice and send over an emoticon :)    I assume that would translate easily.

Benny's Haha

Why do cowboy boots have heels, is this for function or fashion? Me thinks this a bit prancy for a cowpoke.

I've been winding myself into a stress-ball for the last couple of weeks, I think it it's got to do with the change of seasons. I am terrible w/ change, so when life shifts, my bearings got outta whack for a bit.

I am a man of routine and my pain threshold for change is limited. I noticed recently when I was on vacation, my ability to adapt to new situations was pretty rough. I like to set the mundane processes of my life to autopilot.

For instance:

• where my morning coffee comes from 
• where to plug my cell phone 
• where to for a descent stripper pole

I've heard the moment you stop learning is the moment you start dying, yikes that's bleak. well if it's any consolation,  I learned today that carrying an umbrella in your tote for Four months will finally pay off when you find yourself waiting for a bus in the rain.  Yay! Todd points for me! 

I enjoy learning. School was rough for me because it seemed I was never was on the same page with the daily subject matter, while others were learning about the revolutionary war, I was drawing little ninja warriors on my notebook or doodling a 4 month stained glass design while my 5th grade teacher was telling us about Earth's landmass. Whats strange is, I absolutely love to learn about history and the revolutionary war, I can't get enough of Hitler and those Nazi segments on the History Channel. 

Perhaps I've settled down a bit like my dog Samson. When Samson was younger he used to sass his way through his day, lifting his nose up to anyone. I remember wishing he had a few more years of age on him so he'd just settle down a bit. Well today my well aged Samson has found a cool collected stride of life. When I shout out orders to him,  rather than jump to my attention, he just shifts his ears in my direction waiting to hear if what I have to say is important.

I think my mind has settled, where it's finally able to savor and focus on single subjects and lessons. The next lesson I'm ready to learn is the skill of letting stress just slide off me just like melted butter. I swear, I am so envious of the people out there who can stand in a middle of a tornado and hold a conversation about Hula Hoops and Potato Chips. How do they do that? Are they on some mood drug or have I just missed the 'Good Ship Lolly pop' completely?  

Btw: I have become the worst speller since the invention of auto correct, I still can't spell the word 'thorough' for the life of me.

Man Stallion

If I could be half man half animal, I think I would choose to keep my head and replace my body with a creature torso.

however, walking around with a Tiger head could be pretty rad, tigers have that commanding attractive look. Sporting a tiger head would probably allow me to integrate into society fairly quickly, either as a personal trainer or a courtroom lawyer.

If I were to replace my body, for pure functional purposes, I'd choose the body of a squirrel. The years I've spent watching these critters climb trees, run from dogs & steal birdseed from Grandma's feeder has given me a true appreciation for their talents. My one worry is integrating into society, with a stature that is just a few inches off the ground, conversation w/ humans would be difficult. I'd either have to carry a megaphone or develop a wicked set of charade skills.

An Ostrich body could be pretty fancy, I'd be a hit on the charity & social gala circuit, as long as I kept my feathers nice and tidy...........but Ostrich's seem to have that turkey gobbler leg skin thing going on, I'd be self conscious of that.  I would probably be the first Ostrich on this planet to insist on wearing leg warmers as cover ups, or have an insane addiction to body moisturizing cream.

Judgement Slap

It took me awhile to absorb the moment but soon after it happened, I realized that my 2 male Yorkshire terriers were victims of gay bashing.

Aaron and I walked Samson and Baxter to the store the other night. Our cupboards were dry, and when I say cupboards I really mean glasses. 

While Aaron went inside to grab a few items, me and the hairy beasts politely enjoyed the scenery and passerby's. Everyone we spoke with seemed to be cheery & complimenting of the dogs. I did my best to make eye contact, saying thank you........it was the least I could do.

After a while, wanders a couple of ladies, who stop to exchange words.  Not sure why Baxter chose this moment to perform the Ass Tango w/ his brother Samson, but he did.  Lady Perp saw this and immediately said that the two needed to take that behavior inside, as conversation unfolded and it was revealed that both my puppies were boys, she raised her finger pointing at my 4 year old Baxter and said:

"ohh no, 2 boys! that's bad, you stop that!"

Sure, this is a subtle bashing but one that did not go unnoticed by me. If I was a vindictive sort, I'd would have followed her home, got her address and signed her up for the dildo of the month club. 

Honey, you and your oppressed beaver quarters don't need to be broadcasting a public sex message. Step back for I attack!  

Ruby Crusted Moon Boots

If Michael Jackson's spirit would enter my body, do you think he could turn my lanky limbs into a Dancing machine?

Like most Friday nights when Aaron is outta town, I inevitably find myself digging through my favorite YouTube videos, 1st Stop........my diva tracks.

Fantasia, Christina, Judy & Adele

I love to watch their emotional power and how they express themselves w/ their vocal talent. 

Inevitably my video hunt brings me to a Michael Jackson live performance, a perfectly rehearsed performance under the spotlight of a live,  make no mistake camera angle. 

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

His movement is addictive, when I watch him I can't help but get up and try it myself.........Yeah, its not pretty. My Jimmy Crack Corn body type has a difficult time capturing that Jackson flavor, The Man in My Mirror pretty much just stands there and gives me  the 'Wrap it Up' sign.

I'm not sure the spirit of Michael Jackson could do much of anything with my body, perhaps with his drive and gumption he could at least get me a crowd of 15 on a downtown Chicago street corner collecting enough bucket change to buy a few beers for my friends.

So Michael, if your listening. If it isn't too much to ask, could you please possess me one of these Friday nights, and give me a dance lesson? Currently my Moonwalk resembles more of a Sleep walk................................it could use a lit'l boost.

Eeeee Heeee.... Don't stop till you get enough!

Werk, Werk, Werk

Well Good, Gosh, Golly Moses, I won myself an award.  You better be certain I am going to print this up and put it on the fridge.  Thanks to Fudge, the Miss Sarah Mac.   The wonderfully expressive and gifted blogger of 'People Don't Eat Enough Fudge' 

I think I will use this moment to deliver my Hollywood Oscar's speech that I've been honing for the past 30 years.  Strike up the Band!  I need some back ground music:

One life I'm gonna live it up
I'm takin' flight I said I'll never get enough
Stand tall I'm young and kinda proud
I'm on top as long as the music's loud

If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by
You're thinkin' like a fool cause it's a case of do or die
Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had
You think I'll let it go you're mad
You've got another thing comin'

'Judas Priest 1982'

uhh, ummmm.  I wasn't expecting this so I have nothing written down. There are so many people who have influenced my life along the way that deserve credit for this award.  I must start with my parents, Alan and Melissa, a terrific couple who have raised this wise ass of mine for 35 years, god bless their dear hearts.  There are my brothers and my sister who agree to take Christmas photos w/ me and my Life Love Aaron, who absorbs my daily musings and gives me feedback, thank you honey.  To all my dear friends whose verbage and sayings undoubtedly make their ways into into my blogs...... Thank you! Thank you, Thank You!  (enters man to mop up tear puddle)

Now for the Award Rules:

1) Thank the blogger who awarded you and link back to them.
2) Share 7 things about yourself.
3) Pass the award along to 15 other newly discovered blogs.

Todd'isms you may not have Known:

1. I am a 10 year vegetarian

2. I have worn the same style of pant for a Decade

3. I have been puttin dog poo into plastic sandwich bags for 14 years

4. I'm sensitive to direct eye contact......please be passive aggressive w/ me

5. I'm a pretty good 2 beer Karaoke singer, even better 5 beer bowler

6.  If Elton were to walk through my door, I would fall to the ground weeping.

7.  Being a tall man of 6 ft 4 inches, I am often called 'Chief''  I absolutely cringe at this.  Kareem Abdul Jabbar is 'The Chief'  not me! His sky hook shot is outta this world, let him keep this title!

This was fun, thanks to all for partaking in my blogging journey.  It has been a great outlet for me as I fight off my mid-life crisis.  If I had the money I would be driving a Corvette by now but unfortunately my salary only nets a Public Transit card.

Now for my 15 shiny bright bloggers, in no particular order of course:

A Beer for the Shower

Boobies, Babies & A Blog..

Angry Lurker

The Purple Goddess

A Queens' Queen

I Should Be Laughing

Inner Fat Girl

Lady Estrogen

A Day with Mistress Borghese

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade

My Mad Mind

Life In a Pink Fibro

2 Cents Worth Down Under

The Gman on War, Religion & Politics

Ah, The Possibilities

Congrats to these winners, I follow each of them as any good stalker would.  kisses and smootches to all.  

Happy Labor Day Folks!  Don't lift a finger today, Just Relax!

Cellular Love Glove

 

Why is it I need to spend $30 on a cell phone cover? Can't these cell phone producers add to their development schematic the possibility that I may drop this damn phone every now and then?

Yeah!  I got a new phone, I'm super excited. I've enjoyed tinkering with all the new features and gizmos. I've even attempted to film a vlog, unfortunately it was created on a 3 beer diet, featured me singing and striking runway model poses "Werk, Werk, Werk". I actually posted it for a period of 8 hrs on my page but woke up in a cold sweat and deleted it the next morning while munching down a bowl of granola and yogurt.

I'm completely fascinated with my new phone but you'd think I was transporting rods of plutonium with the firm grip I'm keeping on this thing. I'm in a complete worry panic that I may drop it, been sporting 24/7 kid gloves and have even resorted to laying down a cocktail napkin or coaster when I set the device down. God, I wish I could come back to life as an overprice cellphone, I'd be livin' the Life! 

But seriously, all these Steve Jobs Bill Gates folks need to throw the whole 'Drop a Phone' scenario into their mad techno mind equation. Don't bleed my wallet, just sell me something that is functional, OuTTa the Box for gods sake!!!