Cellular Love Glove

 

Why is it I need to spend $30 on a cell phone cover? Can't these cell phone producers add to their development schematic the possibility that I may drop this damn phone every now and then?

Yeah!  I got a new phone, I'm super excited. I've enjoyed tinkering with all the new features and gizmos. I've even attempted to film a vlog, unfortunately it was created on a 3 beer diet, featured me singing and striking runway model poses "Werk, Werk, Werk". I actually posted it for a period of 8 hrs on my page but woke up in a cold sweat and deleted it the next morning while munching down a bowl of granola and yogurt.

I'm completely fascinated with my new phone but you'd think I was transporting rods of plutonium with the firm grip I'm keeping on this thing. I'm in a complete worry panic that I may drop it, been sporting 24/7 kid gloves and have even resorted to laying down a cocktail napkin or coaster when I set the device down. God, I wish I could come back to life as an overprice cellphone, I'd be livin' the Life! 

But seriously, all these Steve Jobs Bill Gates folks need to throw the whole 'Drop a Phone' scenario into their mad techno mind equation. Don't bleed my wallet, just sell me something that is functional, OuTTa the Box for gods sake!!!

Fish who Wish

If I were a genie in a bottle, I'd hope my genie bottle was made of a translucent rose colored glass, if not, I'm afraid I'd be one nasty genie.........stuck there all alone in the dark.

What is the wardrobe for a genie these days? I certainly would not feel comfortable wearing a mid drift top or any of those curly cue shoes. I think I would have to be a plain clothes genie, kinda like an undercover cop blending in with the crowd w/ my bag of genie tricks.

Bag of Genie Tricks:

1. scramble cell phone reception when someone is talking too loud

2. Whistle wind through the tree limbs and play Elton John melodies

3. Reverse the action of everyone's transition eye glass lenses for a day, making them go dark indoors and clear outdoors.

I think I could be a pretty good genie, sure there'd be tricks every now and then but none would be too harmful, just lit'l jokes.... Tee hee hee

ET phoned me collect...cheap ass!

I am phobic of the telephone. I've set my ringer to a music box melody w/ bird sounds just to ease my panic when it goes off.

I tense up whenever I hear a ring or feel a vibration. I see it as an intrusion of my personal space and freedom. Not sure where this stems from, probably the creditors I was dodging round the turn of the millennium.

Creditor:

Gimme my money

Me:

No

Creditor:

Gimme my money

Me: 

No

I need body language and eye contact, tons of information can be found in a single facial expression that a string of words over a phone line could never communicate. Maybe its the new world of cell phones, the bad connections and fall outs. When we all used land lines, we never needed to worry bout such things, the connection was so clear you could hear the persons breath; obscene phone calls were a breeze back then, now days you have to have the lung capacity of an Opera singer in order to slightly offend.

Talking on cell phones its like walking in the dark, trudging your way through convos, hoping not to step all over each others sentences. The quality is gone, so for now I stay away.

I also get jittery when the good bye moment arrives in a conversation, an unspoken agreement between each caller to determine when/if this needs to end. Every individual has their own style of saying adios that adds to the challenge, my sister always adds a giggle before she says goodbye to me.

Sister:

"Ok, you have a great day , ok, love you too....ok...'giggle' ...bye."

I tend to approach my goodbyes like one would rip off a Band Aid

Me:

"Yeah, great......NO!, I said CUT MY GRASS!....gimmee a break...bye!"

Face to face is my pleasure and if that isn't possible then the shoot me a text method is my preference, awkward silences and choppy phone connections  turn me into a puddle of nerves that always has me inserting unnecessary wacky words as conversation fillers.

Rhonda:

Rosies's party was the best, so great

Me:

Yeah, Rosie sure knows how to throw a great party..ummm........  My damn thumb has been killing me, whats up w/ thumbs?   What if a hitchhiker had no thumbs, what would they use to stop a car? The pointer finger is too threatening...maybe the pinkie? but that's probably too femme. I'm gonna have to say life would be pretty hard for a thumbless hitchhiker.......Rhonda? hello.... you there?"

Yeah, yah never know when you loose your audience.

Cream of DUCK?... NO Scotty!   I said BEAM ME UP!   GAWD!  This reception is killin me!

Loosen the Bone!

Mind suck, brain drain, mental eruption, cranium crunch, haywire, loose wire, smokin eardrums, egg in a frying pan.....any questions?

I was passed an article on technology and its effects on the human mind. It stated that our focus is being directed to all of our gadgets on a continual basis to a point where we are actually rewiring our brains. We are developing shorter attention spans along with quick bursts of thought as we shift from emails to websites to phone calls & facebook. It warns that we are loosing the best of ourselves, our creative thought, our mental clarity and cerebral freedom.

I totally get this. I bounce from work cell to personal cell and always have a watchful eye for that flashing message indicator light. Did someone text, call or email? 

The article suggests dedicating a certain amount of time a day away from these gadgets, a simple 1 hour excursion for personal meditation w no phone, tv, or internet can and will help regain & awaken our natural thoughtful & creative inner being.

Lets Start Now: 

1. walk on your tippy toes  
2. try running backwards 
3. do a crossword puzzle
4. create a turkey drawing using your hand as a template
5. start a craft project with macaroni shells
6. Imagine you have amnesia and look for ways to survive in the environment around you. 

Omgoodness, I think I like this idea. A funny comedian once said bout Fred Flintstone's wife. "Loosen the bone Wilma", suggesting that she let her hair down a relax. So with that, I remind myself to put down the phone, free my mind & loosen my bone.

My DeLorean needs an oil change

If I could turn back time and put another dime in the juke box, I'd play Cindi Laupers hit Time after Time. She's so unusual!

My DVR is taking over my mind, it has become an extension of myself. I'm in love w/ my rewind feature on this device, whenever watching television and something strikes me, I reach for my remote and hit the "bring it on back" button. My button will rewind at a 15 second interval, usually 1 or 2 pushes will set me up to enjoy a certain tidbit once again. Whether it be eye candy, a funny punch line or that Sarah MaLachlan save the dogs commercial, her accent cracks me up.

This feature is so valuable to me that my instinct to use it is starting to occur in REAL life. There are moments during my real life experience just walking around or hanging w my peeps where I have that reflex to reach for the remote and hit "bring it on back".  WHAT!  Help me out here, am I losing grip, or is this natural?  The convenience of a quick rewind would be so amazing in my daily life.

think I'm gonna love getting older, I gonna embrace these ism's and give myself permission to answer those phantom vibrations I get from my cell phone.  "Hello, is this God calling me.  I normally don't pick up random #'s........ your lucky Big Guy"