Man Stallion

If I could be half man half animal, I think I would choose to keep my head and replace my body with a creature torso.

however, walking around with a Tiger head could be pretty rad, tigers have that commanding attractive look. Sporting a tiger head would probably allow me to integrate into society fairly quickly, either as a personal trainer or a courtroom lawyer.

If I were to replace my body, for pure functional purposes, I'd choose the body of a squirrel. The years I've spent watching these critters climb trees, run from dogs & steal birdseed from Grandma's feeder has given me a true appreciation for their talents. My one worry is integrating into society, with a stature that is just a few inches off the ground, conversation w/ humans would be difficult. I'd either have to carry a megaphone or develop a wicked set of charade skills.

An Ostrich body could be pretty fancy, I'd be a hit on the charity & social gala circuit, as long as I kept my feathers nice and tidy...........but Ostrich's seem to have that turkey gobbler leg skin thing going on, I'd be self conscious of that.  I would probably be the first Ostrich on this planet to insist on wearing leg warmers as cover ups, or have an insane addiction to body moisturizing cream.

Judgement Slap

It took me awhile to absorb the moment but soon after it happened, I realized that my 2 male Yorkshire terriers were victims of gay bashing.

Aaron and I walked Samson and Baxter to the store the other night. Our cupboards were dry, and when I say cupboards I really mean glasses. 

While Aaron went inside to grab a few items, me and the hairy beasts politely enjoyed the scenery and passerby's. Everyone we spoke with seemed to be cheery & complimenting of the dogs. I did my best to make eye contact, saying thank you........it was the least I could do.

After a while, wanders a couple of ladies, who stop to exchange words.  Not sure why Baxter chose this moment to perform the Ass Tango w/ his brother Samson, but he did.  Lady Perp saw this and immediately said that the two needed to take that behavior inside, as conversation unfolded and it was revealed that both my puppies were boys, she raised her finger pointing at my 4 year old Baxter and said:

"ohh no, 2 boys! that's bad, you stop that!"

Sure, this is a subtle bashing but one that did not go unnoticed by me. If I was a vindictive sort, I'd would have followed her home, got her address and signed her up for the dildo of the month club. 

Honey, you and your oppressed beaver quarters don't need to be broadcasting a public sex message. Step back for I attack!  

Ruby Crusted Moon Boots

If Michael Jackson's spirit would enter my body, do you think he could turn my lanky limbs into a Dancing machine?

Like most Friday nights when Aaron is outta town, I inevitably find myself digging through my favorite YouTube videos, 1st Stop........my diva tracks.

Fantasia, Christina, Judy & Adele

I love to watch their emotional power and how they express themselves w/ their vocal talent. 

Inevitably my video hunt brings me to a Michael Jackson live performance, a perfectly rehearsed performance under the spotlight of a live,  make no mistake camera angle. 

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

His movement is addictive, when I watch him I can't help but get up and try it myself.........Yeah, its not pretty. My Jimmy Crack Corn body type has a difficult time capturing that Jackson flavor, The Man in My Mirror pretty much just stands there and gives me  the 'Wrap it Up' sign.

I'm not sure the spirit of Michael Jackson could do much of anything with my body, perhaps with his drive and gumption he could at least get me a crowd of 15 on a downtown Chicago street corner collecting enough bucket change to buy a few beers for my friends.

So Michael, if your listening. If it isn't too much to ask, could you please possess me one of these Friday nights, and give me a dance lesson? Currently my Moonwalk resembles more of a Sleep walk................................it could use a lit'l boost.

Eeeee Heeee.... Don't stop till you get enough!

Werk, Werk, Werk

Well Good, Gosh, Golly Moses, I won myself an award.  You better be certain I am going to print this up and put it on the fridge.  Thanks to Fudge, the Miss Sarah Mac.   The wonderfully expressive and gifted blogger of 'People Don't Eat Enough Fudge' 

I think I will use this moment to deliver my Hollywood Oscar's speech that I've been honing for the past 30 years.  Strike up the Band!  I need some back ground music:

One life I'm gonna live it up
I'm takin' flight I said I'll never get enough
Stand tall I'm young and kinda proud
I'm on top as long as the music's loud

If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by
You're thinkin' like a fool cause it's a case of do or die
Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had
You think I'll let it go you're mad
You've got another thing comin'

'Judas Priest 1982'

uhh, ummmm.  I wasn't expecting this so I have nothing written down. There are so many people who have influenced my life along the way that deserve credit for this award.  I must start with my parents, Alan and Melissa, a terrific couple who have raised this wise ass of mine for 35 years, god bless their dear hearts.  There are my brothers and my sister who agree to take Christmas photos w/ me and my Life Love Aaron, who absorbs my daily musings and gives me feedback, thank you honey.  To all my dear friends whose verbage and sayings undoubtedly make their ways into into my blogs...... Thank you! Thank you, Thank You!  (enters man to mop up tear puddle)

Now for the Award Rules:

1) Thank the blogger who awarded you and link back to them.
2) Share 7 things about yourself.
3) Pass the award along to 15 other newly discovered blogs.

Todd'isms you may not have Known:

1. I am a 10 year vegetarian

2. I have worn the same style of pant for a Decade

3. I have been puttin dog poo into plastic sandwich bags for 14 years

4. I'm sensitive to direct eye contact......please be passive aggressive w/ me

5. I'm a pretty good 2 beer Karaoke singer, even better 5 beer bowler

6.  If Elton were to walk through my door, I would fall to the ground weeping.

7.  Being a tall man of 6 ft 4 inches, I am often called 'Chief''  I absolutely cringe at this.  Kareem Abdul Jabbar is 'The Chief'  not me! His sky hook shot is outta this world, let him keep this title!

This was fun, thanks to all for partaking in my blogging journey.  It has been a great outlet for me as I fight off my mid-life crisis.  If I had the money I would be driving a Corvette by now but unfortunately my salary only nets a Public Transit card.

Now for my 15 shiny bright bloggers, in no particular order of course:

A Beer for the Shower

Boobies, Babies & A Blog..

Angry Lurker

The Purple Goddess

A Queens' Queen

I Should Be Laughing

Inner Fat Girl

Lady Estrogen

A Day with Mistress Borghese

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade

My Mad Mind

Life In a Pink Fibro

2 Cents Worth Down Under

The Gman on War, Religion & Politics

Ah, The Possibilities

Congrats to these winners, I follow each of them as any good stalker would.  kisses and smootches to all.  

Happy Labor Day Folks!  Don't lift a finger today, Just Relax!

Cellular Love Glove

 

Why is it I need to spend $30 on a cell phone cover? Can't these cell phone producers add to their development schematic the possibility that I may drop this damn phone every now and then?

Yeah!  I got a new phone, I'm super excited. I've enjoyed tinkering with all the new features and gizmos. I've even attempted to film a vlog, unfortunately it was created on a 3 beer diet, featured me singing and striking runway model poses "Werk, Werk, Werk". I actually posted it for a period of 8 hrs on my page but woke up in a cold sweat and deleted it the next morning while munching down a bowl of granola and yogurt.

I'm completely fascinated with my new phone but you'd think I was transporting rods of plutonium with the firm grip I'm keeping on this thing. I'm in a complete worry panic that I may drop it, been sporting 24/7 kid gloves and have even resorted to laying down a cocktail napkin or coaster when I set the device down. God, I wish I could come back to life as an overprice cellphone, I'd be livin' the Life! 

But seriously, all these Steve Jobs Bill Gates folks need to throw the whole 'Drop a Phone' scenario into their mad techno mind equation. Don't bleed my wallet, just sell me something that is functional, OuTTa the Box for gods sake!!!

Drop a Hook & Rap Me Up

There's a dude free-styling on my train and by free-styling I mean a dude shouting out words to the back of my head. He's ranting about god,men & race all laced and peppered with a creative use of swear words. I will say, He did deliver it all in a nice syncopated rhythm, I'll give him that much

"Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
So you can respect yourself
Hey, hey
So if you want it right now, then make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not"  Madonna 1989

I think it is very important for one to share thought and idea, I'm all for it, even when it is some dude honking out rap lyric on a 90 degree human packed train. Sure it was obnoxious and all of us silent folk wished we could just stare into our cell phones in peace but this guy made himself known to all 60 + people on this train. I say good for him! Let it rip. 

Sure the dude made us feel uncomfortable, but isn't it great that he made us feel anything at all? Isn't that why people go to scary movies, amusement parks, & sex parlours?   To feel and test the emotion inside themselves?

There is a good chance my Rap Master P Diddity Flasher was either crazed or high as a kite but who cares. That uneasiness I was feeling was precious and in some way triggered a strength inside me.

We all need a good shake every now and then, but careful not to shake the babies. They are fragile and break easily...........poor feeble babies.

Gas Needed for Vango

In this world of high price gas & the emphasis on fuel consumption, do you think the days of abduction vans are over? are we going to see more serial killers driving hybrids? I'm not sure these hard fastened criminals have the social concious needed to draw these conclusions.

Aaron and I are still driving our big silver Buick, i wouldn't say it is a gas guzzler, it get 25mpg hwy and probably 19 or 20 city.  i enjoy the ride and the leg room for my 6' 4" frame. I imagine we all make adjustments as society evolves, some people adapt quicker than others and some reach a point and become frozen in time.  I remember hearing a Larry King interview that Katharine Hepburn stopped buying clothes in the late 70's, thats why we'd always see her weaing polyester combinations w/ butterfly collars in her later years. admittedly I could be completely wrong about this, I could find no support.

i wonder what year i will be frozen in time when it comes to fashion and technology adaptation, my goal is to live to 100 so my projected death year is 2075.  so maybe i can look forward to progress till  2060, i think ill have had about enough of all the craziness by then.  Although, my current style of black polypants and v-neck t shirt hasn't changed in 10 years.  My fashion peak have already come and gone.  So sorry Tim Gunn.