In a pinch? You can count on Us!

Portable restroom companies hold a tight squeeze on us when it comes to options for outdoor relief.

Being in the event industry I have had the pleasure to peruse and select amongst various outfits who deal w/ the containment and removal of human waste, it is comforting to know that a company has dedicated it's mission statement to deal w/ my wild abandon, my funked up surplus, my Willy Wonka and Dark side of the moon byproduct.

A few of my favorite portable restroom companies:

• Oui Oui. (wee wee)
• Porta-John
• LepreCan
• Life Savers
• Drop Zone w/ Company colors, yellow/brown (my personal favorite, let's call it #1)

Day 2 of 3 at Pitchfork Music Festival 2011 Chicago and the portable restroom scene is pretty clean. I do have to say being a dude with a wang sure helps. Those with Tallys have the benefit of peeing while standing up, my ass remains clean having not rubbed against a seat that has been shared by the following attributes of a stranger:

• Sweaty
• Hairy
• Boil & Pimple
• Dirty w/ grime
• Butts, Butts, Butts

Why hasn't someone invented a lady version for upright peeing? Am I wrong in thinking that this can be done? I am not a master of the female anatomy but certainly have a good idea of how it works for a women.  Yes, I get that it's like a lawn sprinkler down there for you ladies, so I'm thinking a wide curved reservoir that a woman could straddle would handle the unpredictable flow pattern, thus allowing the female one of life's greatest joys, Lettin that River Run.

Come on ladies, if you haven't experience the feeling of upright peeing with hands on hips, you've been missing out.

Weiners, I'll take a bakers dozen

We've all got Wieners on the brain. A whole national debate on a sexting incident. Now we have Pelosi grinding her spike heal into this matter like a mad dominatrix,  can we give this man a break please, my lit'l guy is startin to feel bad. We need Oprah!

To my knowledge I don't have any pics of my peen floating out there, go ahead and try googling it. I am very protective of my nether regions. I'm not a walk round my house naked kind of guy, so the thought of snapping a pic or two of Mr Tallywak seems ridiculous to me. I wonder if I'd be just as picky bout angle and lighting as I am when it comes to my head shots. "Hey, erase that one, my nutz look like raisins from that angle".

Do you think wieners name alone caused this infatuation with his Jo Hanson, its possible. My last name is carr and I like to go to the auto show every year.  Maybe if his last name was Anusagus we'd all be talkin bout a completely different pic. 

I'm sure Weiner had a tough childhood with that last name but despite this he was able to overcome and become a big political player, its too bad all of that has been dissolved by a few racy man hose photos. How DUMB!  Do ladies even enjoy looking at these types of pictures?  I know guys are all visual and can stare at bare flesh for dayz, but does a lady actually look at bulging crotch shots for kicks?  "Hey Jerry! Show me that walk the snake move".

Poor wiener, what a sad sack, his casing has come undone like a 45 second microwave hot dog. 

pics of bones may break my home but words will never hurt me

To be continued.....

Have you ever watched a television show and when it comes to commercial you realize you are in the wrong demographic. This happens to me all the time, especially when watching golden girls. I find myself watching the good times of blanche, rose, dorothy and sofia, scheming one way or another. These lovely ladies volunteering at the local community center ganging up on rose and relishing in the exploits of blanche devereaux, then Bam! I've got Wilford Brimley riding a horse, askin if I've got diabetes or Alex Trebek trying to sell me a reverse home mortgage.  On my weak days ill consider switchin channels but on those confident "I'm proud as Helz" dayz I'll stick to my guns.  I'm proud of my dysfunctional channel viewing!  Bring on some Sophia, throw in some Housewives and gimme a dash of Supermarket Sweep for kicks; crazed people grabbing wheels of cheese is such a treat.

I absolutely freak when I see those erectile dysfunction commercials, my god.  These comericials always show a loving couple about to crack open a fine wine or having come off a lovely walk through a pine filled woods. 

What! no whack in your tally?  don't worry, take this pill and you'll be golden again.  I'm gonna get a complex just watching this stuff, my personal high tide will be slow to come to shore...........fo sho!

as the late great Nell Carter always said 

"Gimme a Break!"

when the moment is right you wanna be ready. 

Thanks! My jimmy McSuperfly will keep that in mind but meanwhile don't confuse the poor lit'l fella, he's sensitive damn it!