Who invited Sybil?

If introduced, I bet morning me would be completely annoyed with evening me.

630 AM:  alarm has done its deed and I find myself planning my day.  "Work, come home, walk dogs and head to the beach. Won't that be lovely?"

630 PM:  house keys hit the counter, dogs barking and my shirt and tie thrown on the bed. "Screw the beach, let's get these dogs outside so I can come back and sit on my arse!"

Throughout my day I think I am a combination of 3 to 4 different people; I have a whole quorum of opinions and ideas that I need to consult before making big decisions.

Bambi & Charles:

"Are you going to be joining us on our beach vacation this year, tons of fun? We've signed up for Hula lessons."

Me:

"Let me sleep on it, I've got to consult with morning self, he's the stick in the mud, plus I think he would absolutely Hate the Hula."

Fortunately there are some consistent themes throughout my day:

AM ME: 

Yeah, I'll take a large coffee please....BLACK! No cream. No, I don't want a doughnut! Just give me the Damn coffee

Afternoon ME:

Uhhh, can I have a veggie wrap please, no mayo , no cheese, load it with peppers, and forget the black olives.  NO!  I WANT the wrap, I just said to forget the OLIVES. Jesus Help me

PM ME:

 Why am I obsessed with these veggie nuggets?  Dunk em in BBQ sauce and I am swimmin laps in heaven. Hey Jesus! Wanna play Marco Polo?

I bet Jesus and his walking on water skills could probs play a mean game of Marco Polo.  

foot prints

"Why, when I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

"The Lord replied......the times where you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you." 

Man..... bet that guy sure felt like an ass

I think I have finally put the puzzle pieces together as to why Jesus was always having his feet washed.

I was in a pair of flip floppers all weekend, going to the store, going to eat, the beach etc. By the end of the day it looked as if I'd been howling at the moon & dancing on coals, my feet were ridiculous!

Normally my feet are adorned in a leather upper and slip resistant rubber soles that protect from street filth and vermin. My daily foot washing routine mainly consists of Regan's tickle down theory, whatever soap I use to wash my pits will eventually get the job done down below. Note to reader: choose wisely, some parts require additional attention, the theory does have its flaws.

After wearing sandals. My shower routine was turned on its end when I noticed black foot prints on the shower floor, WHAT?  My attention immediately turned to my feet. I found myself grabbing the bar of soap lathering up and getting all the junk out from between my toes, those Iit'l digits haven't seen that kind of attention since my mother played this lit'l piggy with em.

So its no wonder Jesus was always gettin a good scrub down, he needed it! As did a lot of sandal wearing folk back then. My guess is if Jesus was walking round today he would stray from the leather sandal and pick a different foot wear option, yeah he'd probably own a pair of sandals for those backyard moments but on a whole I'd think he'd opt for a traditional sneaker.  perhaps Toms shoes or hell, maybe a pair of Reebok cross trainers, comfort is certainly King.

My DeLorean needs an oil change

If I could turn back time and put another dime in the juke box, I'd play Cindi Laupers hit Time after Time. She's so unusual!

My DVR is taking over my mind, it has become an extension of myself. I'm in love w/ my rewind feature on this device, whenever watching television and something strikes me, I reach for my remote and hit the "bring it on back" button. My button will rewind at a 15 second interval, usually 1 or 2 pushes will set me up to enjoy a certain tidbit once again. Whether it be eye candy, a funny punch line or that Sarah MaLachlan save the dogs commercial, her accent cracks me up.

This feature is so valuable to me that my instinct to use it is starting to occur in REAL life. There are moments during my real life experience just walking around or hanging w my peeps where I have that reflex to reach for the remote and hit "bring it on back".  WHAT!  Help me out here, am I losing grip, or is this natural?  The convenience of a quick rewind would be so amazing in my daily life.

think I'm gonna love getting older, I gonna embrace these ism's and give myself permission to answer those phantom vibrations I get from my cell phone.  "Hello, is this God calling me.  I normally don't pick up random #'s........ your lucky Big Guy"

Up up and away....oh lord there goes my shorts

Jesus and Mary Magdalene are Back!  I read on Huffington Post that a couple from Australia, a man & wife are claiming to be Jesus and Mary Magdalene incarnate.  They are holding church, taking offering and preaching the word. Yee Haw!

"There's probably a million people who say they're Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life." 

"I certainly don't want to be Jesus, it's just who I am. Who wants to be Jesus?"

I found that lots of people think they are Jesus.  Try it your self, type in "Man claims to be Jesus"  you will get all kinds of Jesus's out there.  Black Jesus, Chinese Jesus, Siberian Jesus, Naked Jesus, Criminal Jesus.  For God's Sake! how do we know which one is real!  Here in Chicago a few years ago there was this dude who would walk downtown carrying a wooden cross all done up like Christ, w/  loin cloth, some fabric over the shoulder, nice tan.  didn't say much, he would just walk w/ a large cross over his shoulder. probably not the real Jesus. OK, that's cool.

If I were to go out an impersonate Jesus, I think I would go for the Wow factor,  Its not like any of these gents have come riding on a White Horse w/ an amazing silk cloak.  Jesus, having just spent the past 2011 years in heaven where harps are made of gold and river beds strewn w/ diamonds, there's gonna be some style rubbin off on him. The Return of JC will definitely have some pizazz.  My first purchase would be a  large white horse, not one of the sad city horses w/ a poop buck attached to its back side. I can't imagine Jesus using a saddle, so I'm gonna be riding this thing bare back. My horse will sparkle and would be trained to bow and shakes it's rump. The paparazzi would snap pictures and all the people will fall to the ground.  

............Actually, I'll probs be the one wrestled to the ground by the Chicago Cops for causing a scene.  I'd get arrested for not having a permit and for the terrible mess my dumb horse made due to lack of poop bucket.  Forget it! I'd be a horrible Jesus.

I like the idea of people thinking they are Jesus,  I like the idea of people going out in the world and talking w/ prostitutes and giving voice to the forgotten ones in our society. I suppose we could let them roam around and try to cure the world. According to scripture Jesus sounded like a peaceful man, nurtured peace and comfort. What's the worse thing these folks could do, attempt walking on water and drown?  Yeah. that'd be bad. hopefully a trained life guard would be close by to save Jesus, a great credit for his/her resume I'd think.