Big Meat

Please pardon the smokey spiced meat smell emanating from my clothes. I've been knee deep in Saurkraut, lending my Tommy Tune moves to an Downtown Chicago Oktoberfest.

Fun times, I get to walk around in a hoodie while yapping away into head set about porta potty placement, missing cellphones and sausage innuendo. Its amazing how much of my day is spent talking about weiner, I actually overheard someone ask how deep they should place the sausage in the bun. Ohhhh dear

One more day to go before I return to my normal daily routine. This outta time Okto experience has been good for me, has shook up my day to day while plugging me up from all the soft pretzels and beer cheese I've been guzzling down.

Aaron and I are looking forward to a visit from our Austrian cousin Sophie. She and a male companion name Arman will be joining us early next week. They were so kind to us when we visited them back in April, We look forward to returning the favor by introducing them to all our favorite local hangs. It will be fun showing them our beautiful city.

Wish me luck w my final Okto day, I think the whole lederhoisen look is attractive on the right guy, unfortunately if you'd throw me in a pair, I'd come out looking like a cross between Gargamel and Don Knotts.  not pretty, not very festive.  

            

Sweep the Leg

I think I'll open up a stationary store that sells paper cranes. The first half of my day will be spent folding colorful paper in all the intricate paper crane ways. The second half of my day would be spent selling each lit'l treasure while washing down fava beans with a nice chianti.

I used to know how to fold paper-cranes, I was taught by a couple boys I babysat when I was in the sixth grade. I tell you, folding cranes is not like learning how to ride a bike, I have most certainly forgot. I couldn't fold a paper crane if my life depended on it. For me to get back on the paper-crane express, I gonna need a Miyagi tutoring in my off hours.

If the paper-cranes store doesn't work out? I think I will design a bullshit calculator that records the crap one has had to put up with during the course of a day. When your ready you hit a fix me button and it prescribes you a feel good solution:

Feel good solution # 1

• 2 Michael Jackson songs
• Ping pong ball sized clump of Oreo filling
• 30 seconds of baby giggles

Feel good solution #2

• 2 wet Yorkshire Terrier noses
• Dipping your feet in a jar of Skittles
• A Gospel choir singing your name in 4 part harmony

I need one of these million dollar ideas to take root soon, I've got a few checks in the mail that could use a stiffer backbone.

Stick a pin on me

Don't under estimate a properly placed accessory. I was walking my dog Baxter and seemed to catch the eye of every person walking by, enjoyed a couple of conversations w/ a few of them.  Had I been a solo dude minding my own business I would have never had these encounters. I'm thinking there is something to this.

Without Canine? Try these ideas:

• tie a balloon to your wrist
• carry a bouquet of flowers
• set your ring-tone to a Sade tune

all could be considered olive branches or gestures of openness to your fellow man, folks may think you a bit off your rocker but the second glance they give you may become a conversation worth a lifetime of perspective.

I was reminded recently the importance of embracing those around us, even when it can be difficult and uncomfortable. To ask questions and give each other a chance to respond.

5 days a week I share a train ride amongst hundreds of other people going in the same direction, all with goals, ambitions and mixed up insecurities.  As I was reflecting on the ten year anniversary of 911, I remembered how for that moment, we all were on the same page, grieving and supporting one another.  It is a good feeling to know your community has your back when a crisis hits.  I want that feeling to continue, I want to make myself accessible and available moving forward into the next 10 years.

Maybe I should get one of those blinking buttons that reads:

'available to talk, let's share ideas & fun'

I'd make sure it had a picture of a flower or a bird on it, just to show I was a peaceful sort, I wouldn't want anyone to think I was a FreakAnature.   

10 years

10 years

Neck Tattoooz Blueezz

Please don't call me insensitive, but I couldn't resist a double take today when I walked by a blind person with a neck tattoo.

so many questions flooded my mind.  Did he get the tattoo prior to becoming blind or after? Did he pick out the tattoo?  How did this happen? does he have a super great trustworthy friend who can help make some of those difficult neck tattoo decisions that the process requires? 

Like I said earlier, please don't label me insensitive.  I have the highest regard for blind people, whenever I see them on the streets I think of them as superheros and admire their courage as I get out of the way of their swinging stick.

True Story:

I once turned a corner on a Chicago sidewalk right into the line of fire of a blind person's walking stick, it was Me vs. Stick vs Side of a Building. The closest thing to an attack I've experienced since moving to Chicago

If I was blind, I don't think I could trust someone enough to tell me to get a neck tattoo.  I think having the visual sense removed from my consciousness would motivate me to throw the whole concept out the window.  I'd request, a daily look and stick w/ it.  I wouldn't have someone coordinate ties, shirts and socks for me  NO!  I'd have a uniform.  I think I'd be more interested in sound and touch sensation.

I'd probably wear an entire outfit of corduroy just so I could run my fingers over the texture all day long.  My concern wouldn't be what tattoo or what color polo I should sport....I 'd be more focused on the way I deliver sentences, and trying not to use the word "umm" so much. I'd work on those blind people super senses, especially the eavesdropping technique.....that could be useful.

I admire blind people and I hope there is someone out there reading my blog on a braille reader machine. I would enjoy getting a snarky comment from a blind reader who defends the use of tattoos.  I certainly would entertain the argument and do my best to understand their point of view. A back and forth w/ a braille reader machine could be fun, I think I would break the ice and send over an emoticon :)    I assume that would translate easily.

Benny's Haha

Why do cowboy boots have heels, is this for function or fashion? Me thinks this a bit prancy for a cowpoke.

I've been winding myself into a stress-ball for the last couple of weeks, I think it it's got to do with the change of seasons. I am terrible w/ change, so when life shifts, my bearings got outta whack for a bit.

I am a man of routine and my pain threshold for change is limited. I noticed recently when I was on vacation, my ability to adapt to new situations was pretty rough. I like to set the mundane processes of my life to autopilot.

For instance:

• where my morning coffee comes from 
• where to plug my cell phone 
• where to for a descent stripper pole

I've heard the moment you stop learning is the moment you start dying, yikes that's bleak. well if it's any consolation,  I learned today that carrying an umbrella in your tote for Four months will finally pay off when you find yourself waiting for a bus in the rain.  Yay! Todd points for me! 

I enjoy learning. School was rough for me because it seemed I was never was on the same page with the daily subject matter, while others were learning about the revolutionary war, I was drawing little ninja warriors on my notebook or doodling a 4 month stained glass design while my 5th grade teacher was telling us about Earth's landmass. Whats strange is, I absolutely love to learn about history and the revolutionary war, I can't get enough of Hitler and those Nazi segments on the History Channel. 

Perhaps I've settled down a bit like my dog Samson. When Samson was younger he used to sass his way through his day, lifting his nose up to anyone. I remember wishing he had a few more years of age on him so he'd just settle down a bit. Well today my well aged Samson has found a cool collected stride of life. When I shout out orders to him,  rather than jump to my attention, he just shifts his ears in my direction waiting to hear if what I have to say is important.

I think my mind has settled, where it's finally able to savor and focus on single subjects and lessons. The next lesson I'm ready to learn is the skill of letting stress just slide off me just like melted butter. I swear, I am so envious of the people out there who can stand in a middle of a tornado and hold a conversation about Hula Hoops and Potato Chips. How do they do that? Are they on some mood drug or have I just missed the 'Good Ship Lolly pop' completely?  

Btw: I have become the worst speller since the invention of auto correct, I still can't spell the word 'thorough' for the life of me.

Man Stallion

If I could be half man half animal, I think I would choose to keep my head and replace my body with a creature torso.

however, walking around with a Tiger head could be pretty rad, tigers have that commanding attractive look. Sporting a tiger head would probably allow me to integrate into society fairly quickly, either as a personal trainer or a courtroom lawyer.

If I were to replace my body, for pure functional purposes, I'd choose the body of a squirrel. The years I've spent watching these critters climb trees, run from dogs & steal birdseed from Grandma's feeder has given me a true appreciation for their talents. My one worry is integrating into society, with a stature that is just a few inches off the ground, conversation w/ humans would be difficult. I'd either have to carry a megaphone or develop a wicked set of charade skills.

An Ostrich body could be pretty fancy, I'd be a hit on the charity & social gala circuit, as long as I kept my feathers nice and tidy...........but Ostrich's seem to have that turkey gobbler leg skin thing going on, I'd be self conscious of that.  I would probably be the first Ostrich on this planet to insist on wearing leg warmers as cover ups, or have an insane addiction to body moisturizing cream.