Drop a Hook & Rap Me Up

There's a dude free-styling on my train and by free-styling I mean a dude shouting out words to the back of my head. He's ranting about god,men & race all laced and peppered with a creative use of swear words. I will say, He did deliver it all in a nice syncopated rhythm, I'll give him that much

"Express yourself
(You've got to make him)
So you can respect yourself
Hey, hey
So if you want it right now, then make him show you how
Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not"  Madonna 1989

I think it is very important for one to share thought and idea, I'm all for it, even when it is some dude honking out rap lyric on a 90 degree human packed train. Sure it was obnoxious and all of us silent folk wished we could just stare into our cell phones in peace but this guy made himself known to all 60 + people on this train. I say good for him! Let it rip. 

Sure the dude made us feel uncomfortable, but isn't it great that he made us feel anything at all? Isn't that why people go to scary movies, amusement parks, & sex parlours?   To feel and test the emotion inside themselves?

There is a good chance my Rap Master P Diddity Flasher was either crazed or high as a kite but who cares. That uneasiness I was feeling was precious and in some way triggered a strength inside me.

We all need a good shake every now and then, but careful not to shake the babies. They are fragile and break easily...........poor feeble babies.

Gas Needed for Vango

In this world of high price gas & the emphasis on fuel consumption, do you think the days of abduction vans are over? are we going to see more serial killers driving hybrids? I'm not sure these hard fastened criminals have the social concious needed to draw these conclusions.

Aaron and I are still driving our big silver Buick, i wouldn't say it is a gas guzzler, it get 25mpg hwy and probably 19 or 20 city.  i enjoy the ride and the leg room for my 6' 4" frame. I imagine we all make adjustments as society evolves, some people adapt quicker than others and some reach a point and become frozen in time.  I remember hearing a Larry King interview that Katharine Hepburn stopped buying clothes in the late 70's, thats why we'd always see her weaing polyester combinations w/ butterfly collars in her later years. admittedly I could be completely wrong about this, I could find no support.

i wonder what year i will be frozen in time when it comes to fashion and technology adaptation, my goal is to live to 100 so my projected death year is 2075.  so maybe i can look forward to progress till  2060, i think ill have had about enough of all the craziness by then.  Although, my current style of black polypants and v-neck t shirt hasn't changed in 10 years.  My fashion peak have already come and gone.  So sorry Tim Gunn.

Crack Breaks Mamma's Back

Do rich people like to play the board game Monopoly or is it too redundant for them?

I haven't played Monopoly in years,  i remember being stuck in a few games of Monopoly where I was just struggling to pay rent to my fellow players, it was absolutely horrible,  round and round the board just trying to get by, hoping to avoid all the pit falls and challenges that get thrown at you.  What a rat race, no wonder I gave the game up, I don't need that pressure in my life.

 

Speaking of pressure,  Chicago is in it's initial phases of saying goodbye to Summer 2011.   Beaches, grilling and flip flops will all need to be set aside for 8 months while we endure cold, gloomy, unpredictable scattered weather. I'm going to soup my way through these 8 months, gonna take a note from my favorite QVC host David Venable who hosts a terrific show called In the Kitchen w/ David. i'm gonna crock it up and make a chili, potato leak stew, veggie barley and store portion sizes in my freezer for ready to go microwave magic. This winter isn't going to Bring me down!  (choir sings)

The Many Faces of Potato Head

Do you think Wonder Woman had cellulite? If not, do you think it was her super powers preventing the dimples or just good genes? 

Hair, hand, face or body model.......I need to find and identify a body part to capture and make money w/, it's too bad I can't get a good shot of my wise ass.

I'm assuming a full head to toe runway model makes the most money, since they are a collection of all desirable body parts on ONE body.  Wow, what an amazing coincidence for one human to posses. Besides my wise ass, I'm thinkin my path to body modeling would have to be cultivated w/ my collar bone, not sure if there is much demand but hell, why not.  How much do you think I would get if it was determined I had a beautiful collar bone? 

Todd the Collar Bone Model:

expertise:

• Macho Chains
• Hickey Remover
• Tank Tops
• Vampire Porn

There must be someone walking this planet w/ the best ass in the world, sure, this person my have a jacked up face, but put them in a pair of bicycle shorts and they start calling all the shots.  I sincerely hope they know who they are. I'd take orders from Best Ass in the World:

Best Ass:

Todd, paint my house!

Todd:

Sure thing Best Ass! Paint w/ the grain is my game!

Best Ass:

Todd, take my friend Rhonda shopping, girl needs a new body shaper.

Todd:

Super, will do Best Ass!  Presto Chango Muffin top a Go Go!

I'm pretty sure I don't have the best ass in the world, but maybe I'm onto something w/ my collar bone fantasy.  I could coin myself King Collar bone, I couldn't imagine someone else trying to steal that thunder. I'd start a convention and invite all the other best body parts of the world to a symposium of sorts where we would attempt peace for all mankind. I'd foster an 'all is equal' environment, I wouldn't want Best Ass be to envious of Best Face, can't be having Best Chest take over.  Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes all will get equal billing.  

NO Prima Donnas allowed!  

Coo Coo Couture

I think the person who came up with the coconut bra should not only be commended on form and function but also for a quality sense of humor.

I'm glad coconuts aren't shaped like banana's, otherwise all us dude's would certainly have worn a coconut cod piece at some point in our lives,  coconut splinters are probably tough to remove from a wang.

While I'm on the subject of my nether regions, I want to throw out a nugget of confusion I've had for many years.

I'm not a boxters guy, me and my tally man like to keep it close so i opt for a tighty whitie low rise brief. What has me puzzled is the lit'l bunny foo foo chute that all briefs come with, that easy access sleeve.  Whenever i've used this feature my mc lit'l squirt finds itself fighting for it's life against a Calvin Klein choke hold.  I Say, No thank you!  

whenever the urge to unleash the beast comes, I prefer lit'l me to hop over the waist band like an equestrian stallon w/ it's long flowing mane flapping in the wind. 

A spot of Potty talk to start the week.  Happy Monday ya'll, here's to a magical and wonderful week.    

These Summer Dog Days

I want to work in a brewery putting on bottle caps just like Laverne & Shirley.

Summer is coming to a fast close, my hoodie's are starting to inch their way closer and closer to the front of my closet.  Aaron and i have a quiet weekend planned, maybe some light yard work and playtime with our dogs samson & baxter.

Our friend Jillian is moving away on sunday to a far off place.  It will be sad to see her leave.  I'm afraid with the combination of emotions, our farewell gathering will resemble more like a laying of the hands ceremony.  We love Miss Jills

 

Btw I'm writing this on a train sitting next to a fella listening to a comedy album on his head phones....can i tell you how awkward it is sitting next to a silent chuckler, omg. So creepy,  i feel like a character in a horror movie. Trapped in a train surrounded by commuting zombies, who in an instant will come for my brainz

Enjoy the weekend ya'll.  peace love and a lit'l sugar.

Greet the Meat

I've got swine on the mind, and not the pink type that walks on four hooves and says oink! I'm talking bout the kind you find sizzling in the center of a frying pan.  I blame Lady E for this current infatuation.

I had a recent brunch convo that consisted of a theory of why bacon tastes so amazing.  I was told a pig takes 30 days to digest its meal,  during this time the meal is allowed to flow through the pig belly and all the nutrient & toxin is absorbed into the muscle, fat & tissue of the animal.  ahhh that sweet delicious toxin. Since this conversation I have researched and found this information to be completely BOGUS!     I'm devastated, brunch is sacred to me. So in turn I quickly did a search over the ever so trustworthy internet.

• The meat and fat of a pig absorbs toxins like a sponge. Their meat can be 30 times more toxic than beef or venison.

• When eating beef or venison, it takes 8 to 9 hours to digest the meat so what little toxins are in the meat are slowly put into our system and can be filtered by the liver. But when pork is eaten, it takes only 4 hours to digest the meat. We thus get a much higher level of toxins within a shorter time.

• Unlike other mammals, a pig does not sweat or perspire. Perspiration is a means by which toxins are removed from the body. Since a pig does not sweat, the toxins remain within its body and in the meat. Courtesy of    ensignmessage.com

For being just a strip of bacon, it sure does get a lot of fan fare.  I'm a vegetarian, have been for over ten years. It's not something I wear on my sleeve, or something I campaign for, it's just an eating preference. I've often said, if it was difficult, I wouldn't do it.

Being a vegetarian I have found it interesting how often I am having to say "hold the meat".  I've said it so often, one would think I was on a Midwest Bathhouse tour.

 

Veggie Tales:

The Story of Bloody Mary:  

unknowingly I have downed many a glass of beef broth based Mary from a favorite Brunch spot of mine, I was told this years into my veggie diet.  I couldn't help but think of all the liquefied cows I've sucked through a straw.

Potato Salad Proverb:  

I've always made the claim that I could eat off any menu; with just a lit'l creativity and patience I have been able to enjoy meals by ordering up sides and getting gutsy by asking the waiter for substitutions. One instance I was foiled when a side of potato salad came dressed w/ a drizzle of bacon crumbles, in retrospect this seem fair but who knew I had a chef w/ a loose trigger finger for pig drippings.

meat meat meat balls meat meat meat balls meat meat meat balls

They call Bacon the Granddaddy of all Meat, the piece de resistance, the sacred swine. If I wanted to leave vegetarianism I would choose pig as my Blaze of Glory:

Todd's Meat Come Back Tour:

• Sloppy Joe's
• Diner Chicken Fried Steak
• Beef Stroganoff-----pronounced  "strokemoff"
• Corn Dog
• Spiral Cut Ham w/ pineapple rings

That tour is on hold for the moment.......that'll do pig, that'll do.