Capt Crunched my Nutz!

I'd like to find a parrot that I could build enough trust w/ so we could get to the point of it sitting on my shoulder w/o taking a bite out of my neck.

I've been feeling like a pirate lately mainly because many of people around me have been jumping ship, and not just the guy who pulls barnacles off the hull, I'm talking about the dude who seams the sails, the fella who calibrates the compass & the honcho who cuts my check!

Its been a frustrating ride and I need it to settle a bit, my sea leggz are starting to give way.  I'd like to pull out a spying lense to look for dry land but there doesn't seem to be any in sight, with every man overboard we seem to spin in circles, its getting to the point where I am wishing I were Tom Hanks in Castaway, making sweet love to a volleyball.

I guess instead of a parrot, I could recruit a monkey, it too could sit on my shoulder eating an apple, fidgeting for a comfortable spot.  I could teach it to hold onto my bus card and pull it out at the correct time, that would sure make my life easy, too many minutes of my day are spent rummaging through the bottom of my tote looking for that damn public transit card.  

As a city dwelling pirate, I may stick out a bit but I am sure my neighbors and friends would soon accept me and my new life style.  I would teach my parrot to say cute things like "who's your mamma?" and "you call that couture?"  I really think it would be a hit, who knows?  maybe my ship will come in or I too will have an opportunity to swim for dry land, either way, I may need some water wings or a flotation device, that damn parrot will probably distract my stroke.