cheer up sad clown

I'm told that April is Suicide Season---in my household we call it Sua Season for short.  The story goes....depressed people carry their sadness through the holidays and into the deep winter but come late march and april---when those DAMN birds start chirping and those PERKY tulips start pushing their way through the soil--our Sua candidate feels a sense of pressure and loss---a complete loss of ability to compete w/ these simple living things & BAM! goes the ax.  Its sad to say or comment on,  I know.  I had a co worker of mine in 2000 commit suicide this time of year---I was a waiter serving food to rich men/women in the Sears Tower, his section was next to mine. He was a happy fellow who would crack jokes and even sing while doing his side-work.  He had a family/wife...he wore glasses.  I liked him, he was vulnerable yet strong.  Prior to his death he had left his job, perhaps a week went by and he returned to where we all normally had lunch and he was telling us about his new management position w/ a meat producer here in the city; he would manage the cuts of meat as they passed by and inform that staff whether they were up to Snuff/par with their duties.  I was happy for his comfort w/ his new job, it would bring him more monies to support his family. I would miss him but I was genuinely happy for him.  Less than a week later I was told that he had committed suicide---sitting in his car w/ a hose from his exhaust pipe that led to his window.  I was immediately broken. A re-trace of previous conversations flowed through my mind, I was looking for a clue or a key that would explain what my co-worker was going through.  I weighed my guilt against every conversation I could remember w/ him---I evaluated and speculated what it was for him to be friends w/ me.  My company brought in a grief counselor for all of us to talk to, that was when I first heard of April being a suicide month.  I was told this was a disease and not to blame the individual but to see them as a victim.  I remember hearing an older fellow in  the restaurant hallway saying "that son of a bitch...leaving a wife and family".  I went to the funeral, open casket.  A young man of mid 30's.....as I left the casket I handed his grieving wife an envelop that contained a $20 bill---she thanked me as her children sat next to her.  $20 BUCKS!!!  I felt weak at that moment, I could do nothing to help her in that moment.  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org   I have always wished I could have given her more.  I've attached a suicide watch website---a great resource for a sad subject.   I apologize for the morose post but I feel an importance to share---I'm not saying we need to all be on Sua watch w/ our close friends.......no. but i do want to advocate that it is important to be at some peace w/ all the relationships we have in our lives.  Ughhh..again..I apologize for the sensitive topic---I'll jazz it up next time----fo show!  Peace & lurve.....pet your dog and look your barista in the eye when ordering----all important things for a better world.