Fish who Wish

If I were a genie in a bottle, I'd hope my genie bottle was made of a translucent rose colored glass, if not, I'm afraid I'd be one nasty genie.........stuck there all alone in the dark.

What is the wardrobe for a genie these days? I certainly would not feel comfortable wearing a mid drift top or any of those curly cue shoes. I think I would have to be a plain clothes genie, kinda like an undercover cop blending in with the crowd w/ my bag of genie tricks.

Bag of Genie Tricks:

1. scramble cell phone reception when someone is talking too loud

2. Whistle wind through the tree limbs and play Elton John melodies

3. Reverse the action of everyone's transition eye glass lenses for a day, making them go dark indoors and clear outdoors.

I think I could be a pretty good genie, sure there'd be tricks every now and then but none would be too harmful, just lit'l jokes.... Tee hee hee

Square peg Round hole

Apples to oranges, Savory to sweet, Vader to Luke.

With talk of debt ceilings and the American credit rating, I feel a Dr Phil "let's get real" moment is in order, or as my friend Mimi would say      "a coming to jesus" or if you catch her in a feisty mood: 

"Everyone needs to eat a bag of D^*ks"

I know absolute squat! when it comes to economics, I understand that money and worth are very complex things to measure and to simplify this whole process to the square root of  a child's piggy bank would not only be unhelpful but also down right dangerous to the dialogue.

with that said:

Rick perry, a top republican challenger for the office of President of the United States is so concerned w/ this situation, that he invited a country mile worth of folks to gather and pray for America.  

“Like all of you, I love this country deeply...... indeed the only thing you love more, is the living Christ.” Rick Perry 08.06.11

"I want you to join w/ me, as I share his word w/ you" Rick Perry 08.06.11

“Texas is a unique place. When we came into the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that,” Perry said. “My hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that.” Rick Perry 04.15.09

He urged Americans to pray to reverse the tide of pain that is eating away at the core of our national character

"Father, our heart breaks for America, We see discord at home. We see fear in the marketplace. We see anger in the halls of government and, as a nation, we have forgotten who made us, who protects us, who blesses us." Rick Perry Prayer 08.06.11

Is it me, or is he politely asking America to return to its humble puritanical ways? when we were good, clean, wholesome folk. If so, what does that mean, should we all start wearing bobby socks while looking forward to a daily milk delivery?  Invites from neighbors to sit in on slide show presentations of Hawaiian vacations, perhaps a resurgence of competitive of square dancing?

Admittedly all this sounds nice, but I think his vision excludes a lot of the people who currently work and live here in this beautiful country. Through technology and transportation this world has become a much smaller place, we are rubbing elbows w/ people of many race & creed. I wish every voting American would ride Chicago's Public Transit, just one single round trip commute would offer sights and sounds of many diverse interpretations of life, realistic, in the moment versions of each others daily grinds, struggles and successes; moments rather tough to see through the tinted glass of a Range Rover.  

My worry for Rick Perry's prayer celebration is that he may have included a bunch of people who I'm not quite sure know how to pray for me.  I completely love the idea that someone would wish to pray for me, but only if that person knows who I am, knows who I love and knows what I stand for, otherwise I'm afraid they are wasting their time and only ignoring the potential of what a great community could and should be. I don't think he mentioned gays, not sure he rolled out a welcome mat for Mexican immigrant workers, didn't mention the wealth gap that one could drive a fleet of Bentleys into. His only concern was to blanket his crowd of thousands w/ the word of god, a word that if they pray enough, things will get better, American's debt will be lifted, our squabbling halls of government will once again find peace.  Just pray.

Like I said, I am a big fan of people coming together to pray, I just hope they are praying for me and not against me.  I am weary of those who make it their mission to prescribe life behaviors onto others.  I love morals, and I love that people are not encouraged to kill me or lay w/ my man or covet my polyester pants, this I agree, but its all that extra stuff they sneak in between the lines that I have a problem with.  

As I said earlier, I don't know squat about economics and global wealth but I do know people, and whether or not someone is getting a fair shake.  I am also aware of the fact that their are people out there earning their fortunes right off the backs of mistreated workers, so lets give each other a big ole break, tighten those Gucci belts and ride this wave to the beach.  In the end, its not about money, just respect.  We are ALL oxygen breathing organisms and no one is superior to another, we all have a place and a voice.  So let's pray to that.

I stepped in shitz zu

Sometimes a scoop of vanilla is all I need, nothing flashy. I was reminded of this when Toto's great hit 'Africa' qued up on my Pandora listening channel.........ahhhh, my shoulders dropped, stress melted away and I immediately felt a sense of calm and a touch of heaven.

I had a heavenly moment this past weekend when I had a rare opportunity to sit and have a beer with my bestie friend Mattie Dee, he greeted me sporting a George Michael manicured dude beard, that he calls his 'Otter' look. I guess this is a new gay scene term, not quite a Bear, not quite a bear cub. I'd grow one myself but I'd only end up looking like a Hill Billy Bumpkin who collects blowing jugs and makes jaw harps out of discarded computer monitors, I guess instead of an otter I would be best described as a Billy goat with a knack for crossing it's legs and whistling Katy Perry tunes non stop, I wonder what kinda gay scene that would attract? I'm thinkin something along the lines of Deliverance......whoa honey!

Matt, bless his heart gave me skin care advice, said he discovered a skin cream that can remove crows feet you find at the corners of your eyes.....hmmmm. not having a concern w/ crows feet personally I didn't think to write down the name of this magical youth cream until he pointed out the ridges and crevices at the bridge of my nose, those marks that come out when you squint your eyes or when you smell something funny. He prescribed some cream and told me to wear sunglasses more often to stop the damage. I meanwhile added this to my long list of complexes I get to obsess about on a daily basis. Gotta love an honest friend, I'll be sure to return the favor one day when I can point out that his ass has fallen.

Poem:


Colleen, Colleen, Colleen.

mad woman from a land of thunder dome!
Firm alabaster skin that holds more moisture than a dessert cactus, a summer snow cone. 

A smiling assassin, with an addiction to strip clubs, 

wicked heckler w/ a sharp tongue and an amazing ability of dishing a quick quep. 

Colleen, Colleen, Colleen. 

Cocker Tales

my disco feet are tired, raged to early 90's alterna angst music at a great club called Late Bar, had I been Cinderella, i would've lost both glass slippers last night. 

brunch and grouting on the agenda for today, our bathroom project is still incomplete as we continue to take sponge baths waiting for everthing to dry

I want to send a shout out to all the friends out there, I love my friends, all great people. happy sunday lovers! muhwahh, lip smackers to all of yah!

My own Private Manilow

"Wherever your driving, whenever your bound......State Farm is There"  Jingle 1971

"I am stuck on a Band Aid Brand cause Band Aid's are stuck on Me" Jingle 1976

"Her name is lola, she was a showgirl,
But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it’s a disco, but not for lola,
Still in dress she used to wear,
Faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined,and drinks herself half-blind
She lost her youth and she lost her tony
Now she’s lost her mind"  

Copacabana 1978

Barry kicks Ass when it comes to piano keys and showmanship, I've never been to Cococabana, but after listening to Barry's song, I've gotta go. I actually I have no idea where Cococabana is, so first I'll have to do a google search and download a map, wherever I end up, I bet I could get a nice Colada of some sort, mmmmm..... perhaps Pineapple Coconut or Strawberry Banana. Some frosty tropical drink with a colorful straw, hopefully prepared by a bartender w/ a nice smile & skin the color mocha.......... yes, Ricky Martin is a guilty pleasure of mine.

I once did a tequila shot through a rented snorkel on a beach in Aruba, not one of my prettier moments but certainly a good time. I was with a group of friends playing drunk volleyball against other inebriated passengers from our cruise ship, I think we won, I remember talking a lot of trash to our opponents, surprised I wasn't chopped up and fed to monkeys.

if I ever happen to stumble across Barry Manilow at a beach, I'd first comment how nice his skin looks and offer to help him reapply his sunscreen, but then hopefully I could steer the conversation to his song writing and ask him about his inspiration and passion for music. I think his Jingle career is amazing and my suggestion to him would be to lead a new Jingle movement, some of today's major brands are leaning just on logo alone.  Barry being a pop piano icon and a Jingle Rainmaker, is the man to lead this campaign.......Please BARRY! How bout whipping up a cute Jingle for GOOGLE, I'll write the words, I'll write the words.

Google me, google you, google a tree, google is true

Giggle google giggle google search your pants off

Google, the engine of our lives

Got the google grumbles? Google this

I'm sure he could work with one of these ideas and make it a screaming success. DO IT MANILOW!

Farrah Jacqua all Trades

Taking out the garbage in my household is completely embarrassing, with all the btls banging and clanking, you'd think I was standing on an island playing a Calypso

With Aaron's adverse reaction to anything plastic, most items we buy and consume come in glass packaging, we could give the whole recycling effort a solid swing, however, Aaron and I do not have an active recycling program in our domestic living situation, sure it's offered and we could drive our bag of btls up the block but we don't, the only btls I drive around in a car are filled w/ beer suds, chilled and ready to be cracked open.

Did you know that there is an area of the ocean the size of texas that is a floating mass of consumer garbage, debris & plastic btls? Its called The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Located smack dab between japan and California, a few hundred miles from Hawaii.

Hula girls shaking their hips to a backdrop of Aquafina Btls sparkling in the sun, not the Fantasy island setting I was promised as a kid. 

Btw the way.....though nice and all, but why did Mr Fantasy Island make the smallest guy climb the  ladder to look for the in coming planes? although, who am I to judge, that lit'l midge did a pretty good job, spotting evry plane and keeping up w/ Mr Fantasy's narcissistic demand of dressing in matching outfits, with all that coconut and pineapple juice flying around, I would have had one hell of a time keeping that white suit clean.   

  

Teach Me the Neutron Dance

As a Pointer Sisters tribute, I think it would be pretty neat if someone started a rival group called The Staring Sisters.

I've posted in the past the need for a gimmick or signature to set yourself apart from the mad mad world we all walk on but I also feel that an arch rival or enemy could also help define the character or presence we wish to exude.

He Man: gym daddy geek homo w/o his Skeletor


Bert: a bathhouse closet case w/o his dope smoking boy pal  Ernie

Bo & Luke Duke:  just a couple of Matthew McConaughey's banging drums w/o their Boss Hog

Other Notable Sistah Villians:

• Britney & Christina
• Prince & Michael Jackson
• Jesus & Devil
• Anderson Cooper & Ryan Seacrest

Do you think Mother Theresa had an arch rival? someone who motivated her achievements, way back when she was known as lit'l girl Terri, the girl who'd cover the streets of Calcutta w/ chalk markings of hop scotch games?  If so.......lit'l girl Terri sure showed that bitch.

I think I could benefit with having an arch rival, someone that compliments yet terrorizes my own personal style. I may need to take out an ad for someone to rival this ass of mine.

Wanted:  

One arch rival, basically a wise ass, sarcastic aimless wanderer to bust my chops on a daily basis. Must have good manners, a wicked back hand comment & willing to settle arguments w/ an arm wrestling tournament.